Symptoms of Depression

• Preoccupation with negative thoughts particularly in the morning
  
• Restless and irritable
• Abnormal eating
• Poor motivation
• Loss in interests or pleasure in daily activities
  
• Sleeping badly(too much or too little), often with excessive dreaming
• Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
• Sadness or hopelessness
• Having problems concentrating, remembering and making decisions
• Sensitivity
• Impatience
• Drug abuse
• Suicidal thoughts
  

bad mood

Cry Cry Cry!
I have been crying unusually often recently, I never used to. Don't know why....

What's the use even if I know the cause of this abnormal behaviour? Would anyone care?

Who understands? Who wants to understand?

I don't know how to express myself anymore. Am already shaped by a lot of hurts and disappointments. Sometimes what seemed harmless might be hostility to me and towards me.
Too sensitive? Too weak?

Tell me who can understand.
God?

Charge

Day 4 in STK as a "Pra-U" student, I had nothing but complaints. How to continue living like this?! I mean, how can I continue complaining all the time? Sigh, it has been so difficult to say nice things during these four days on STK ground. I hardly even smiled happily this week so everytime I smile I feel like a hypocrite!
The title for this blog post is "Charge". Haha... Wanna talk a bit about different charges I experienced this week.
On the first day of orientation, a girl from Upper Six sold me a school necktie which I thought was supposed to be included in the "orientation package" and she charged me RM7.50! Wasn't(isn't) it too expensive? Speaking of the "orientation package", the school charged every newly enroled Form 6 student RM65 for a pen, two pencils, two sets of examination pad, a few booklets, an MPPPU pin and a pair of socks. Good money rite? I bet the school earned a lot from us victim students.
Back to the necktie, after paying for it the same girl told me to buy an MPPPU t-shirt and claimed that it was compulsory since everyone will be required to wear it the next day. At that moment I looked at her in the eye and asked if it were true because I really did(do) not want to waste any money unnecessarily. She suddenly switched to a softer tone(maybe I scared her) and pointed at the cheapest design which cost Rm5. So she charged me RM5 for the old MPPPU t-shirt, otherwise I would have wasted more money! Guess what, later I found out the MPPPU was clearing up their stock as those t-shirts didn't sell so well. I felt(feel) so used! Well, it is over already, at least I learned my first lesson in STK on the very first day I stepped into the school.
Call me cheapscate, I won't mind. I really do not want to waste money anymore.

(Didn't even look at the reference books they were selling during orientation)

Erm, I realised I had been complaining and criticising a lot ever since the first day of orientation. Now the more I breathe there, the more I feel like quitting.
Complaining is not good, of course it is not good. It even makes you worse everytime you complain. But the question is, How not to complain? My temporary solution is to talk as little as possible since almost every word that comes out from my mouth seems to be nothing close to nice.

Finally, one last question: Why aren't there any possitive people attracted to me since I'm so negatively charged?

To those who were nice to me in school, thank you very much! To those who passed stuff to me,(books, etc) thank you even more! Really...

By the way, must the publishers publish new editions this year??! Now I don't know whether I can use old books or have to buy the expensive new ones..... Why? Why? Why publish new stuff this year? Mana boleh??!