大便的时候，我喜欢享受大便的过程。
大便之后，我喜欢观赏完工的成果。
每当大便过后我都会观察马桶里的样子。食物的营养被身体吸收之后剩下的渣从肛门被排泄出去的色泽，形状，湿度，长度，厚度以及排放出的味道每一次都会有差异。我喜欢观察，我说的是实话。
大便时的感觉非常好，虽然有时便秘不好受，大便时的感觉通常都是很舒服的。
大便的感觉真特别！
Sunday 27 December 2009
大便
我喜欢大便的感觉，那种感觉很爽。
大便的时候，我喜欢享受大便的过程。
大便之后，我喜欢观赏完工的成果。
每当大便过后我都会观察马桶里的样子。食物的营养被身体吸收之后剩下的渣从肛门被排泄出去的色泽，形状，湿度，长度，厚度以及排放出的味道每一次都会有差异。我喜欢观察，我说的是实话。
大便时的感觉非常好，虽然有时便秘不好受，大便时的感觉通常都是很舒服的。
大便的时候，我喜欢享受大便的过程。
大便之后，我喜欢观赏完工的成果。
每当大便过后我都会观察马桶里的样子。食物的营养被身体吸收之后剩下的渣从肛门被排泄出去的色泽，形状，湿度，长度，厚度以及排放出的味道每一次都会有差异。我喜欢观察，我说的是实话。
大便时的感觉非常好，虽然有时便秘不好受，大便时的感觉通常都是很舒服的。
Wednesday 23 December 2009
It's Okay
What do you when you have a friend in need, how do you be a friend indeed to that friend of yours?
What does it mean when people say "It's okay" to their friends who need help?
What should you say to people in trouble?
What words do you use toward a friend who is in pain?
How do you fill in the blanks in tough conversations?
Do we all mean anything whenever the phrase "It's okay" is used?
Give comfort, give encouragement, or are we just saying mere words out of hypocrisy?
Is "It's okay" empty talk? Or does it help when we do not say anything?
What would you do when you do not know what to do?
What does it mean when people say "It's okay" to their friends who need help?
What should you say to people in trouble?
What words do you use toward a friend who is in pain?
How do you fill in the blanks in tough conversations?
Do we all mean anything whenever the phrase "It's okay" is used?
Give comfort, give encouragement, or are we just saying mere words out of hypocrisy?
Is "It's okay" empty talk? Or does it help when we do not say anything?
What would you do when you do not know what to do?
Friday 18 December 2009
Poems from Esplosion 2009
Oily Eyes
The eighth Esplosion, seventh for me
on a night before the leave
there in that hall where campers meet
to worship, to listen and to seek
There in that hall a call sound
a call it was to the alter
seekers gathered while skeptics scattered
self-deemed unworthy I stood among the latter
Linger I not long with the lost
couple of whom I grateful to most
decide to lay hands despite the cost
tears contained melt no longer frost
Minutes after, best friend brought me front
where prayed people for one another
then came a chubby pastor
a flood I wept in his arms of warmth
The man looking into my eyes speaks
from his mouth come words of revelation
of off-conscious reality I live
he pour oil on my head decides
Juices of olive overwhelms
my top to eyes flows the oil
I rub my eye and then a prayer
God, open and anoint me see!
© Joel Yap
After Pastor Koshi poured half a bottle of olive oil on my head, I wrote these few words:
Irony
There is turmoil within
making me respond as to a storm outside
Bitterness and anger buried
mistaken to be mere harmless sighs
The hurts and sorrows
were not broken arrows
but as ever good as new
shooting and piercing on my skin
like the sea breeze gushing through my ears
Overwhelmed by such bombardment
astonish this left unnoticed
There is unforgiveness within
causing distortion in my min
result disruption in my life
There is a wild beast encaged in my ribs
but the monster be forgiveness or frustration?
Which will it be should there
a chance the beast let out?
Confusion magnificent like the storm outside
Such uncertainty may a matter of time
drive me crazy and the people surrounding
off goes sanity
O forgiveness how I long to give
so desperate I cannot describe
like an infant holding his pee
can not wait at all
yearning to forgive and for forgiveness
how badly my wish to let go
but so long has is been
where I know I forgave for desperation due
Alas, is the child not peeing?
O suffering and pain a I resent
the hurts which source both inside and out
torment to soul beside anguish to spirit
I bear tombstones on bitter shoulders
There is cement on my feet
my heart, enforced concrete
Pain and suffering I resent
pain and suffering because of Love?
© Joel Yap
The eighth Esplosion, seventh for me
on a night before the leave
there in that hall where campers meet
to worship, to listen and to seek
There in that hall a call sound
a call it was to the alter
seekers gathered while skeptics scattered
self-deemed unworthy I stood among the latter
Linger I not long with the lost
couple of whom I grateful to most
decide to lay hands despite the cost
tears contained melt no longer frost
Minutes after, best friend brought me front
where prayed people for one another
then came a chubby pastor
a flood I wept in his arms of warmth
The man looking into my eyes speaks
from his mouth come words of revelation
of off-conscious reality I live
he pour oil on my head decides
Juices of olive overwhelms
my top to eyes flows the oil
I rub my eye and then a prayer
God, open and anoint me see!
© Joel Yap
After Pastor Koshi poured half a bottle of olive oil on my head, I wrote these few words:
Irony
There is turmoil within
making me respond as to a storm outside
Bitterness and anger buried
mistaken to be mere harmless sighs
The hurts and sorrows
were not broken arrows
but as ever good as new
shooting and piercing on my skin
like the sea breeze gushing through my ears
Overwhelmed by such bombardment
astonish this left unnoticed
There is unforgiveness within
causing distortion in my min
result disruption in my life
There is a wild beast encaged in my ribs
but the monster be forgiveness or frustration?
Which will it be should there
a chance the beast let out?
Confusion magnificent like the storm outside
Such uncertainty may a matter of time
drive me crazy and the people surrounding
off goes sanity
O forgiveness how I long to give
so desperate I cannot describe
like an infant holding his pee
can not wait at all
yearning to forgive and for forgiveness
how badly my wish to let go
but so long has is been
where I know I forgave for desperation due
Alas, is the child not peeing?
O suffering and pain a I resent
the hurts which source both inside and out
torment to soul beside anguish to spirit
I bear tombstones on bitter shoulders
There is cement on my feet
my heart, enforced concrete
Pain and suffering I resent
pain and suffering because of Love?
© Joel Yap
Tuesday 8 December 2009
tail
人不如兽
飞禽走兽大多数都有尾巴，人也有！
男人的尾巴长在前面。
这支小小的东西所能造成的破坏可大了。自古以来导致了那么多的罪案发生，伤害了那么多无辜的受害者。这么渺小又简单的器官怎么那么不简单？人与兽又有什么差别呢？
人类配 拥有万物之灵的称号吗？
飞禽走兽大多数都有尾巴，人也有！
男人的尾巴长在前面。
这支小小的东西所能造成的破坏可大了。自古以来导致了那么多的罪案发生，伤害了那么多无辜的受害者。这么渺小又简单的器官怎么那么不简单？人与兽又有什么差别呢？
人类配 拥有万物之灵的称号吗？
Saturday 5 December 2009
Current Activity:
Wasting so much time!
I finished watching the first seasons of Fringe and The Mentalist in 12 days.
That's a lot a lot of time, wasted.
Sigh, it is scary to be aware of the helplessness of not knowing what to do with life.
I finished watching the first seasons of Fringe and The Mentalist in 12 days.
That's a lot a lot of time, wasted.
Sigh, it is scary to be aware of the helplessness of not knowing what to do with life.
Tuesday 1 December 2009
Love Lost
Love Lost by Dr. Ng
Is it possible to relive
the moment we first met
(when eyes locked eyes in shimmering frisson)
now that the only time we are face to face
is when we make love?
The above is a poem from one of Dr. Ng's books- Postcards From Kluang.
This one caught my attention as I browsed through his poems, probably because it was short enough and hence might have been more understandable for me personally. Hahaha...
When I laid eyes on this poem the first thing that came to mind was marriage. Coincidentally, there are(have been) quite a few people whom I know to be getting into relationships while a few more, getting married.
So I had been thinking about marriage recently, the more I think the more skeptical I become.
No offense to those who want to build families, by all means go ahead and do it well.
What were(are) my thoughts? The chemistry that takes place between a boy and a girl who are interested in each other is just so difficult to be explained. In fact, I doubt that there is even a need to explain that chemistry. Having said that, I think that the kind of "feeling" so-to-say seems though so sweet can be so disgusting and dangerous. It is like two people playing with fire if both or either one is not mature enough to handle such a relationship.
If and when the relationship becomes a success and both parties wish(agree) to bring their courtship to a higher level, it may then bloom into marriage.
Early years of marriage can be so beautiful when all the man wants to see is his wife, and the woman her husband.
However after a period of time, marriage can turn so dull and burdensome that both husband and wife can seldom see eye to eye.
How terrible it might be if the words of the poet come true, where the only time lovers are face to face is when they make love. I can never imagine being in such a marriage, thus I believe that staying single is safer than married.
No marriage is perfect because no man is perfect.
For those who believe marriage is worth the sweat,
I sincerely wish you all the best.
Friday 27 November 2009
Money
Money talks! In society especially today, money buys three out of four of the basic needs of mankind which are water, food and accommodation; only air is free. One almost literally cannot live without money, this is why every sensible person understands its importance.
So money is important, but how do you convince somebody that money is not most important?
During the first half of one's life, a man spends his health to gain wealth; during the second half, he spends wealth to gain health. Most people understand and agree on this concept, but why do they(we all) still do it? Neglecting our health, working our guts out to get good grades, work, whatever.... all for the sake of earning more money.
Hmmm, whether or not we neglect our health to earn wealth now, we would still need wealth to maintain health in old age, would we not?
So, is neglecting our health now permissible?
We are merely stewards of everything we have here, including our bodies.
Health or wealth. Keep both? Choose either one if there is only one choice? What would you choose? Who can judge if you've chosen right or wrong?
So money is important, but how do you convince somebody that money is not most important?
During the first half of one's life, a man spends his health to gain wealth; during the second half, he spends wealth to gain health. Most people understand and agree on this concept, but why do they(we all) still do it? Neglecting our health, working our guts out to get good grades, work, whatever.... all for the sake of earning more money.
Hmmm, whether or not we neglect our health to earn wealth now, we would still need wealth to maintain health in old age, would we not?
So, is neglecting our health now permissible?
We are merely stewards of everything we have here, including our bodies.
Health or wealth. Keep both? Choose either one if there is only one choice? What would you choose? Who can judge if you've chosen right or wrong?
Monday 23 November 2009
at breakfast today
本来约好两位好朋友今天在福州包吃早餐的可是福州包今天休息不做生意，所以我们只好到别处吃。
今天早上真开心 ，跟那两个好朋友聊天谈得很开心。
Anyway one of them said this, "下次尽量去些比较少人的地方吃吧，我不是自夸可是跟朋友吃饭时常常遇到认识的人很烦的。”
我回到家了在心里想，“说的也对。” 哈哈！
但我又继续再想下去。。。 如果我在街上遇到认识的人，花几秒种停下脚步打个招呼，对方会不会觉得我烦呢？
而如果换成是我觉得对方烦，脸上的笑容是不是很虚伪呢？
虚伪的人对得起自己，对得起他人吗？
我又再次想下去。。。在这世界上有谁不虚伪？
今天我的到的结论是：有好的礼貌就对了啦！ 虚不虚伪的难题就让各自的良心告诉自己。
今天早上真开心 ，跟那两个好朋友聊天谈得很开心。
Anyway one of them said this, "下次尽量去些比较少人的地方吃吧，我不是自夸可是跟朋友吃饭时常常遇到认识的人很烦的。”
我回到家了在心里想，“说的也对。” 哈哈！
但我又继续再想下去。。。 如果我在街上遇到认识的人，花几秒种停下脚步打个招呼，对方会不会觉得我烦呢？
而如果换成是我觉得对方烦，脸上的笑容是不是很虚伪呢？
虚伪的人对得起自己，对得起他人吗？
我又再次想下去。。。在这世界上有谁不虚伪？
今天我的到的结论是：有好的礼貌就对了啦！ 虚不虚伪的难题就让各自的良心告诉自己。
Saturday 21 November 2009
Liquid Paper
Made to make invisible mistakes made
yet invisible only on a mixture of all colours
Made to cover up flaws
yet of which traces easily exist
Liquid paper: paper in liquid
However paper inorganic
Cover up, cover up
and provide a second chance
Should it ever even work
best wishes I give though am skeptical
Liquid paper hide complete
such a belief for the naive
© Joel Yap
Wednesday 18 November 2009
Ungrateful Sleeping Boy
Two months had past
nothing she gives
Neither a word
nor a single hi
All was a dream
will to wake from I have not
Story too long to tell
emotions still run wild
Facing it all alone
standing pain hard to bear
Listeners grow faint
along with watchers who care
Hands to borrow there are
but not the one in desire
Learn to allow and receive
to unlearn self-defined best
Differentiate needs from wants
Integrate self to help
© Joel Yap
Wednesday 11 November 2009
万物之灵
老师在学生生命里留下的影响与影像是非常深的。好的老师对学生的付出和恩惠是无法被报答的。
就读中华三小时，老师说：人类是万物之灵。
上了中学，老师的教导没有被遗忘。
我自己能想了：
万物之灵真的在万物以上吗？万物之灵配吗？
要不是上帝赐予思考能力，万物之灵连狗都不如。
思考能力是用来群造福人群的，你我有做到吗？
你我有分析对于错的能力，我们会选择不做错吗？
就读中华三小时，老师说：人类是万物之灵。
上了中学，老师的教导没有被遗忘。
我自己能想了：
万物之灵的眼睛不如鹰；
万物之灵的耳朵不如蝠；
万物之灵的嘴巴不如狮；
万物之灵的鼻子不如狗。
万物之灵真的在万物以上吗？万物之灵配吗？
狗儿懂得为争地盘而打斗，万物之灵也会。
狗儿懂得因配偶发生争执，万物之灵也会。
狗儿懂得为了好处而变乖，万物之灵也会。
狗儿懂得辨认于永远记得主人， 万物之灵却不会。
狗儿不懂得伤害主任，万物之灵却会。
狗儿懂得忠心，万物之灵却不懂。
万物之灵懂得树木的重要性，绿色的世界还是渐渐消失。
万物之灵懂得饮食均匀的重要性，因肥胖引起的病率没有减少。
万物之灵懂得沟通的重要性，彼此的感情还是受不了一点点误会的打击。
万物之灵的脚不如豹，发明了车子；天上的鸟儿数不清，但它们何曾因碰撞而丧命？
万物之灵没翅膀，发明了飞机！
万物之灵下不了深海，发明了潜水艇！
万物之灵的成就可嘉，
可是这些成就却不幸在战场上被利用来自相残杀。
要不是上帝赐予思考能力，万物之灵连狗都不如。
思考能力是用来群造福人群的，你我有做到吗？
你我有分析对于错的能力，我们会选择不做错吗？
Friday 6 November 2009
Random Thought of the Day
Back to randomly musing again, was wondering:
Between one who is given more and another given less, is it necessary that the earlier is more fortunate than the latter?
Taking an immediate example that we are using right now, the Internet.
Say I have a good speed while my neighbour's one is terribly slow. Both use the Internet like everybody does. One day the phone lines become thinner, causing the Internet speed in the neighbourhood to slow down due to the increase in resistance of the wires. Anyway forget about why, the point is that both subjects in mention experience worse connections than the ones they had been using all the while. When this happens, who do you think will suffer more? The one who had a good Internet connectivity or the other?
Who then, is more fortunate in this case?
Between one who is given more and another given less, is it necessary that the earlier is more fortunate than the latter?
Taking an immediate example that we are using right now, the Internet.
Say I have a good speed while my neighbour's one is terribly slow. Both use the Internet like everybody does. One day the phone lines become thinner, causing the Internet speed in the neighbourhood to slow down due to the increase in resistance of the wires. Anyway forget about why, the point is that both subjects in mention experience worse connections than the ones they had been using all the while. When this happens, who do you think will suffer more? The one who had a good Internet connectivity or the other?
Who then, is more fortunate in this case?
Wednesday 4 November 2009
Friday 30 October 2009
Matters of My Heart
Darkness hide not,
Light show none
Neither paint brush paint,
Nor sound of music play;
In vain eagles fly,
The same thus dogs sniff
Fishes swim without,
Earthworms dig and shout;
Eyes do not see,
Ears cannot tell
The silenced, hidden
Strangled, forgotten...
© Joel Yap
Wednesday 28 October 2009
Lesson from the Pox
Having chickenpox for less than a week now, I think about stuff because there's nothing else to do at home. Audacity doesn't work on my computer so my recording plans cannot be carried out. Sigh!
Anyway, when I was randomly thinking about stuff days ago, this came to mind:
The way I look now scares people. Sometimes even myself, I dread looking into the mirror!
No one would dare come near me now because chickenpox is contagious. But when I get well, not many would be willing to come near too, because of all the scary scars. These are scary-looking little dots all over the body which I am ashamed of and do not want.
See, even I am ashamed. What more other people?
Nevertheless it is parents who will never be ashamed of their children, be it how they look, what they've done, whatever. A parent's love towards his/her child(ren) is amazing and certainly unconditional.
Whenever I look at myself I feel depressed and disgusted, but my mother never gave a hint of disgust whenever she looked at me.
Anyway, when I was randomly thinking about stuff days ago, this came to mind:
The way I look now scares people. Sometimes even myself, I dread looking into the mirror!
No one would dare come near me now because chickenpox is contagious. But when I get well, not many would be willing to come near too, because of all the scary scars. These are scary-looking little dots all over the body which I am ashamed of and do not want.
See, even I am ashamed. What more other people?
Nevertheless it is parents who will never be ashamed of their children, be it how they look, what they've done, whatever. A parent's love towards his/her child(ren) is amazing and certainly unconditional.
Whenever I look at myself I feel depressed and disgusted, but my mother never gave a hint of disgust whenever she looked at me.
Saturday 24 October 2009
kok kok keh pox
kok kok keh (noun) ~ chicken
Do you believe in retribution?
I had been an utter disappointment to many for probably close to a year. People who cared, people who loved, people whom I loved and cared about, people who invested in me, people who had high hopes on me.
Besides being a disappointment, I had been a failure to my very self, I became a lost sheep.
Leaving details out, do you believe in retribution, assuming that what I mentioned about being a disappointment and a failure was true, now that I have chickenpox all of a sudden?
Sunday 18 October 2009
you Are what you Eat
Ever heard of the saying, "You are what you eat"?
Well, I experienced it personally. There was a birthday party at a Chinese restaurant on Deepavali day, an aunt of mine turned 70. During the feast I ate tiger prawns which I am allergic to, ate quite a lot of prawns in fact. And now here I am behaving like a monkey with flees all over its body. The itch is killing me and the rashes on my body look horrible and red, like the prawns.
You are what you eat. Hahaha....
I ate prawns, now my skin turns red.
Haha, sorry i was lying. The prawns didn't look like tiger prawns, actually I took liquor which I happen to be allergic to also.
Sorry okay? Did not lie about the rash at least.
Anyway, you really are what you eat. I was wondering one day, what we eat can be a metaphor for the things we watch and listen to. Whatever "input" can be poetically called what we eat, alright?
Our actions and speech are very much affected by what goes into our head through listening, watching, reading and maybe even taste. What we do or say reflects our inner being. Out of the overflowing of the heart the mouth speaks. Agree? For example, if a person watches pornography, it affects his mind which in turn affects the way he speaks or does things subconsciously, I believe.
Our eyes are a door to our soul. What they see can have long term effects on a person, since human beings think in pictures. Many images can somehow stay in our minds though we do not will ourselves to remember.
What we hear also plays a part in what we say things and how we say them. Children tend to speak like their parents or whoever's voice they listen to most often. Teenagers might start to speak vulgarly when they mix with the wrong company. Next, the effect of reading on writing may be somewhat similar.
You are what you eat.
How are you today? How are you living, speaking and acting?
The books and magazines you read, movies and TV programmes you watched and the songs you listened to plays a part in how are you today.
If you understand that you are what you eat, I guess you would know how to become a better person.
Hurting people hurt people.
Are you hurting the people around you or anybody else, whether or not intentionally? Perhaps other people whom you had been hurt by in the past are the culprit. However you have a part to play in dealing with your hurts. Stop the chain reaction!
Well, I experienced it personally. There was a birthday party at a Chinese restaurant on Deepavali day, an aunt of mine turned 70. During the feast I ate tiger prawns which I am allergic to, ate quite a lot of prawns in fact. And now here I am behaving like a monkey with flees all over its body. The itch is killing me and the rashes on my body look horrible and red, like the prawns.
You are what you eat. Hahaha....
I ate prawns, now my skin turns red.
Haha, sorry i was lying. The prawns didn't look like tiger prawns, actually I took liquor which I happen to be allergic to also.
Sorry okay? Did not lie about the rash at least.
Anyway, you really are what you eat. I was wondering one day, what we eat can be a metaphor for the things we watch and listen to. Whatever "input" can be poetically called what we eat, alright?
Our actions and speech are very much affected by what goes into our head through listening, watching, reading and maybe even taste. What we do or say reflects our inner being. Out of the overflowing of the heart the mouth speaks. Agree? For example, if a person watches pornography, it affects his mind which in turn affects the way he speaks or does things subconsciously, I believe.
Our eyes are a door to our soul. What they see can have long term effects on a person, since human beings think in pictures. Many images can somehow stay in our minds though we do not will ourselves to remember.
What we hear also plays a part in what we say things and how we say them. Children tend to speak like their parents or whoever's voice they listen to most often. Teenagers might start to speak vulgarly when they mix with the wrong company. Next, the effect of reading on writing may be somewhat similar.
You are what you eat.
How are you today? How are you living, speaking and acting?
The books and magazines you read, movies and TV programmes you watched and the songs you listened to plays a part in how are you today.
If you understand that you are what you eat, I guess you would know how to become a better person.
Hurting people hurt people.
Are you hurting the people around you or anybody else, whether or not intentionally? Perhaps other people whom you had been hurt by in the past are the culprit. However you have a part to play in dealing with your hurts. Stop the chain reaction!
Wednesday 14 October 2009
去死吧
Help he tried to give
When help was needed,
But help he given
Was help unneeded,
From heart he given
Come work unintended;
Wasted the labour
Of a helpful soul,
Redundant the act
Of a helpful soul,
Obsolete the value
Of a useless helpful soul;
Intention though good
The outcome bad,
Intention though good
Trouble be more,
Intention though good
Down to drain with inability along!
© Joel Yap
One's good intention to help is not an immunity from blame when one's help ends up in another's trouble.
Good intentions and good abilities are different.
There are times where the one with good intentions should abstain from giving help due to his lack in abilities. Such times are when not doing anything can be a form of help. Suppose one helps, and more trouble to others becomes a result, who is to blame? No one should point fingers, really, in my opinion, since accidents happen. In an accident, no party is directly at fault, actually. Otherwise it would be termed as an incident instead of accident. Agree?
没用的人应该去死算了。
Sunday 11 October 2009
Lost Sheep
Once good now lost
Parted from the ninety-nine
Lonely in rebellion
Afraid in the dark
Forgotten, or not
Left for soul to rot
Forsaken in need
Rejected indeed
Controlled not by self
Contradict with Spirit
Consumed by hatred
Convicted of murder
Live for Good no longer
Life has gone to waste
Know not the way Home
Nor to the Master
The 100th sheep-
Black one,
am I.
© Joel Yap
Wednesday 7 October 2009
同病相怜
个人所面对的问题会像病毒一样传染给周围的人吗？
Many times I do wonder, can problems and situations we face "spread" to people around us like a disease or a virus? I have seen and experienced it happen. Why is is when we are in a difficult situation and are not out of it yet, we sometimes realise that our friends start to get caught in similar situations?
Is it coincidence when two or more people face a similar struggle simultaneously or almost at and around the same time?
Is it a message from above saying, "You are not alone"?
Is it an encouragement to strive harder? Can it be an encouragement?
Or can it be a chance to heap each other as there is power in numbers?
What is life? It really sucks to love on Earth.
It really does.
Many times I do wonder, can problems and situations we face "spread" to people around us like a disease or a virus? I have seen and experienced it happen. Why is is when we are in a difficult situation and are not out of it yet, we sometimes realise that our friends start to get caught in similar situations?
Is it coincidence when two or more people face a similar struggle simultaneously or almost at and around the same time?
Is it a message from above saying, "You are not alone"?
Is it an encouragement to strive harder? Can it be an encouragement?
Or can it be a chance to heap each other as there is power in numbers?
What is life? It really sucks to love on Earth.
It really does.
Sunday 4 October 2009
Learn from past?
经一事长一智。
真的有这么简单吗？
Do we all learn from our mistakes and bad experiences? Is it really so simple?
Why then do we still have wars going on? Have man not learnt about the damage a war can bring about? Have we not learnt the importance of international peace?
Take another example, a driver who had been involved in a car accident. After getting well from his injurys and paying for the damage done to his car, he would drive carefully from then on, shouldn't he? However why do so many people still get involved in accidents on the road multiple times?
People say learn from your mistakes, but I think it is not as simple as it seems. Learning good is by nature, difficult, for man is evil by nature.
Sometimes, many times in fact, I catch myself making the very same mistakes even though I know it is high time to change already. Sometimes it might be just something beyond my control; perhaps sometimes no control is merely an excuse.
If you know something will never happen, why wait for it to? It is just being adamantly stupid, is it not?
As if blind people can see, as if a deaf person can hear my cry...
真的有这么简单吗？
Do we all learn from our mistakes and bad experiences? Is it really so simple?
Why then do we still have wars going on? Have man not learnt about the damage a war can bring about? Have we not learnt the importance of international peace?
Take another example, a driver who had been involved in a car accident. After getting well from his injurys and paying for the damage done to his car, he would drive carefully from then on, shouldn't he? However why do so many people still get involved in accidents on the road multiple times?
People say learn from your mistakes, but I think it is not as simple as it seems. Learning good is by nature, difficult, for man is evil by nature.
Sometimes, many times in fact, I catch myself making the very same mistakes even though I know it is high time to change already. Sometimes it might be just something beyond my control; perhaps sometimes no control is merely an excuse.
If you know something will never happen, why wait for it to? It is just being adamantly stupid, is it not?
As if blind people can see, as if a deaf person can hear my cry...
As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
I am stupid!
Thursday 1 October 2009
After Rain
雨过天晴，真的这么简单吗？天晴了就不会再下雨吗？
曾听过‘一波未平，一波又起’吗？这种情况很少发生吗？
雨过了就会天晴，但天晴跟每件事情一样，是短暂的。
天晴过后总有一天会再下雨，有时下的可能是小雨，不幸时可能会下大雨。。。
但就算下的是暴风雨，雨后一定会天晴。
不管天晴时有没有彩虹，天晴就是天晴，足够了。
In the Storms of Life© Joel Yap
when the Thunder strikes;
And Pain overtakes
as Rain reigns,
I know I am safe
in the Arms of the Great Shepherd.
I believe in in peace after rain and desperately look forward to it after every Storm.
Tuesday 29 September 2009
Screaming in the head again
What do you do when you are so frustrated?
What do you do when you are so angry that people could barely come near you?
What do you do when all you want to do is to shout?
Like as if the world owes you something. the whole world... everyone, everything..
How do you cool down?
How can you possibly cool down instantly?
A word?
Just a touch?
Knowledge that someone cares for you? Or the persistence in believing that someone does even though everything says otherwise?
Fuming inside.
Screaming....
What do you do when you are so angry that people could barely come near you?
What do you do when all you want to do is to shout?
Like as if the world owes you something. the whole world... everyone, everything..
How do you cool down?
How can you possibly cool down instantly?
A word?
Just a touch?
Knowledge that someone cares for you? Or the persistence in believing that someone does even though everything says otherwise?
Fuming inside.
Screaming....
Sunday 20 September 2009
休息, Rest
休息是为了走更长远的路
Xing Ying posted this on her Facebook, I like this saying.
However today I thought more deeply about it, and considered the meaning and possible purposes of people saying it.
Rest can be a form of preparation for something, greater things require greater preparations.
It is important to rest before doing things. Not only that, rest is, to a certain point as important as food, or more important. To start a day well, one should acquire sufficient rest for it.
On the contrary, the saying above can also be used as an excuse for procrastination.
People who are lazy, like me, use it to comfort and deceive ourselves that we are resting to work.
Well, just being frank with myself here.
Rest belongs to those who work.
To rest, one should work to deserve it.
So, rest is to be earned.
And laziness is this, resting before even working.
I have been lazy, too lazy.
Saturday 19 September 2009
Screaming in the head
Ever felt how is it like to be screaming inside? Screaming.... AHHHH!!
Ever felt like your thoughts are running so wild you can neither get hold of them nor control them anymore?
Ever felt so helpless because you do not know what to do to get out of those depressing thoughts?
Ever felt so down you don't know how to get up anymore?
Ever felt so down that you get discouraged by the "height" of the position in which you are expected to rise up to?
What do you do?
Ever felt like your thoughts are running so wild you can neither get hold of them nor control them anymore?
Ever felt so helpless because you do not know what to do to get out of those depressing thoughts?
Ever felt so down you don't know how to get up anymore?
Ever felt so down that you get discouraged by the "height" of the position in which you are expected to rise up to?
What do you do?
Wednesday 9 September 2009
Life
Living is such a chore. Life is a joke, really.
You wake up in the morning, brush teeth and get ready for the day. Actually getting ready is just to make sure that you do not give people you meet a bad impression of yourself. We get ready physically before we step out the door so we can hide what we do not want others to see. The embarrassing, ugly side.
And when we go to school, work, etc, we meet people. We put on different masks in different situations when we are with different people. We speak differently, walk differently, behave differently. At the end of the day we really get confused about what the true image behind those masks look like.
We try so hard to cover up what is inside of us that we our very own selves no longer know what has been and is inside.
When we realise that we no longer understand ourselves, we already have no time and will to do so because there is so much to do everyday, so many things to hide, so many tasks to complete, so much money to go after.
Life. It was created to be simple, but we have made it so complicated.
Nobody understands what really is, life, anymore.
What are we? What is life?
How many people know why are they living in this world? How many?
Life without purpose is life without meaning, and life without meaning is life without hope.
So you grow up to go to school to go to college to achieve something in your studies to set foot in society to work to earn money to settle down to start a family then send your children to school so that your children go to college so that they set foot in society to work so that they earn money to settle down and start families and they shall raise their children and send them to school and the cycle goes on and on.
So then, what is life if it isn't a joke?
And in the cycle above, you make friends not knowing how long will those friendships last, after which you realise you made more mistakes than you made friends.
You try to find yourself and get back to your senses but when you finally try hard enough, you discover that life is only but a joke, really.
Life is just a show, something for your Audience.
You wake up in the morning, brush teeth and get ready for the day. Actually getting ready is just to make sure that you do not give people you meet a bad impression of yourself. We get ready physically before we step out the door so we can hide what we do not want others to see. The embarrassing, ugly side.
And when we go to school, work, etc, we meet people. We put on different masks in different situations when we are with different people. We speak differently, walk differently, behave differently. At the end of the day we really get confused about what the true image behind those masks look like.
We try so hard to cover up what is inside of us that we our very own selves no longer know what has been and is inside.
When we realise that we no longer understand ourselves, we already have no time and will to do so because there is so much to do everyday, so many things to hide, so many tasks to complete, so much money to go after.
Life. It was created to be simple, but we have made it so complicated.
Nobody understands what really is, life, anymore.
What are we? What is life?
How many people know why are they living in this world? How many?
Life without purpose is life without meaning, and life without meaning is life without hope.
So you grow up to go to school to go to college to achieve something in your studies to set foot in society to work to earn money to settle down to start a family then send your children to school so that your children go to college so that they set foot in society to work so that they earn money to settle down and start families and they shall raise their children and send them to school and the cycle goes on and on.
So then, what is life if it isn't a joke?
And in the cycle above, you make friends not knowing how long will those friendships last, after which you realise you made more mistakes than you made friends.
You try to find yourself and get back to your senses but when you finally try hard enough, you discover that life is only but a joke, really.
Life is just a show, something for your Audience.
Monday 7 September 2009
亏大本
Not every plan can be carried out as planned.
Not every investment will succeed.
People who expect are bound to face disappointment.
People who hope will one day be discouraged.
Those who win will one day lose.
Those who succeed will one day fail.
Losing a lot? Learn to let go.
Not so easy to do so? Of course.
So what makes it easier to let go? Forgiveness, perhaps...
Letting go is giving up? Not?
Learning Mathematics as two separate subjects might be a hint to me, to say, 算了!
Wednesday 2 September 2009
Ridiculous (part 3)
After much reflecting, I just want to say that I am susceptible to mistakes.
So if there's anything not right with whatever I have written, feel free to say it out.
This teacher's blogging issue is somewhat similar to the controversy of teachers teaching differently in school and at tuition centres.
Anyway, I think Cikgu Razali is just being childish through the ways he increases his blog traffic.
My stand is clear, against the methods of attracting visitors which I personally believe to be a bit unethical.
He said that his blog is an example for other schools to follow.
That is ridiculous.
Again, if you think there is any misunderstandings on my side, do comment and I promise to receive it with an open mind.
So if there's anything not right with whatever I have written, feel free to say it out.
This teacher's blogging issue is somewhat similar to the controversy of teachers teaching differently in school and at tuition centres.
Anyway, I think Cikgu Razali is just being childish through the ways he increases his blog traffic.
My stand is clear, against the methods of attracting visitors which I personally believe to be a bit unethical.
He said that his blog is an example for other schools to follow.
That is ridiculous.
Again, if you think there is any misunderstandings on my side, do comment and I promise to receive it with an open mind.
Monday 31 August 2009
Ridiculous (part 2)
Today at tuition I understand that Cikgu Razali actually ordered every student in his class to become followers of his blog!
Can you believe that??
And what is more shocking is this, to those who do not have internet access or a computer at home, he told them they could go to cyber cafes! Yes, even girls.
This is more ridiculous than it already seems to me, this is absurd!
Should anything happen to his students who go to a cyber cafe in obedience to his ridiculous orders and instructions, to whom should the responsibility fall on?
Hey, I am by no means trying to attack Cikgu Razali or anybody else. It is just that his actions are questionable and nobody seems to be concerned about their rights. So I decide to speak up instead of watching everybody being indifferent and thereby giving in to such demands like visitting and following the blog.
Taking students' works as his own to be put up on the blog is simply too much.
Threatening, to some extent, not to teach unless his students follow his blog, is the limit of disrespecting the rights students ought to have.
Can you believe that??
And what is more shocking is this, to those who do not have internet access or a computer at home, he told them they could go to cyber cafes! Yes, even girls.
This is more ridiculous than it already seems to me, this is absurd!
Should anything happen to his students who go to a cyber cafe in obedience to his ridiculous orders and instructions, to whom should the responsibility fall on?
Hey, I am by no means trying to attack Cikgu Razali or anybody else. It is just that his actions are questionable and nobody seems to be concerned about their rights. So I decide to speak up instead of watching everybody being indifferent and thereby giving in to such demands like visitting and following the blog.
Taking students' works as his own to be put up on the blog is simply too much.
Threatening, to some extent, not to teach unless his students follow his blog, is the limit of disrespecting the rights students ought to have.
Saturday 29 August 2009
Ridiculous
Are teachers encouraged to have blogs? I believe so, as it sometimes can make themselves more relevant to the students of this era.
There are teachers whom I know of who write blogs to connect with their students, I really respect them and am impressed by their effort. However I am also disgusted by certain teachers who write blogs for the wrong reasons.
Good or bad? It really depends on their purposes for blogging.
A Pengajian Am teacher, Cikgu Razali Samad from Sekolah Tinggi Kluang is a blogger and he goes round advertising his blog to students indirectly. Ok, logically thinking, why have a blog that benefits students when the students are not aware of the blog, rite? But my question is this, is the blog more beneficial to students or the teacher?
IF the blog is meant for the good of students, the problem is this, not every student has internet access.
And hey, IF the blog is really good then students will naturally go to it, even those without internet access at home.
Something I cannot stand is this, Cikgu Razali posted exam tips on his blog during our first test. From what I have heard, he actually announced what topics were to be asked in the Pengajian Am test paper. Everyone knew the questions long before sitting for the test, even those who did not want to cheat by visitting the blog. Why do I use the word "cheat"? You see, when you answer a test paper knowing what questions are already in it, and you prepare for the questions, what is the point then, of the taking the test?
Malaysian students. Only know how to pass examinations, many behave like robots as in study study study and learn to pass exams. What happens to the knowledge they received from studying? Gone, gone because the knowledge was intended to stay in their heads only until after the exam ends. How sad.
Before I get out of point, how can a teacher reveal what is going to be asked in a test?
Let bygones be bygones? I cannot do that, if something is not right then someone has to speak up. If something is questionable then it has to be judged, either right or wrong.
Even if I wanted to forget about what happened in the test. I understand that this Cikgu Razali has given his students homework on his blog. This is the link which he gave the work.
Announcing homework on a blog, I do not know about you but to me it sounds like he is trying to force students into visitting his blog. He is like making it compulsory though he has never said so directly, for his students to go to his blogs, this is such a despicable act. Want to have blogs? By all means. But why force people to visit? Giving homework through his blog leaves students no choice but to visit the blog. Come on, this is a secondary school no matter how much people want to think of Sixth Form as Pre-university, we should be given homework to do from the classroom. We can get information online to aid us in certain assignments, but we do not need to find out what are our assignments from the internet.
Furthermore, Cikgu Razali collects assignments done by students to be put on his blog. He takes slides on Power Point and essays on Word from students after they have done their presentations each time.
How can a teacher, a human, how can he do such a thing?
How can a teacher have such low morality?
Want to have blogs, it is his freedom. Whether or not students want to visit his blogs is however their freedom.
Want to build blogs that students can benefit from, good effort. Students will naturally visit if the blogs are really good. However it is still their freedom whether or not to visit.
Indirectly forcing students to go to his blogs, I totally disrespect and disagree with such an act.
One word- RIDICULOUS!
Why is he doing so much to increase the frequency of people visiting his blog? Trying to attract students by putting up "information" and whatever "good stuff"? Even stooping down to publishing exam tips as in what exactly will be asked in the paper? Why does he want so much readership? Who does he want to impress? Why so hard up? Why so desperate for readership?
Something is not right, someone has to speak up. I am doing it now. If I am wrong, please say something, I am open to correction.
Today I decide to voice out!
What is his purpose of blogging?
There are teachers whom I know of who write blogs to connect with their students, I really respect them and am impressed by their effort. However I am also disgusted by certain teachers who write blogs for the wrong reasons.
Good or bad? It really depends on their purposes for blogging.
A Pengajian Am teacher, Cikgu Razali Samad from Sekolah Tinggi Kluang is a blogger and he goes round advertising his blog to students indirectly. Ok, logically thinking, why have a blog that benefits students when the students are not aware of the blog, rite? But my question is this, is the blog more beneficial to students or the teacher?
IF the blog is meant for the good of students, the problem is this, not every student has internet access.
And hey, IF the blog is really good then students will naturally go to it, even those without internet access at home.
Something I cannot stand is this, Cikgu Razali posted exam tips on his blog during our first test. From what I have heard, he actually announced what topics were to be asked in the Pengajian Am test paper. Everyone knew the questions long before sitting for the test, even those who did not want to cheat by visitting the blog. Why do I use the word "cheat"? You see, when you answer a test paper knowing what questions are already in it, and you prepare for the questions, what is the point then, of the taking the test?
Malaysian students. Only know how to pass examinations, many behave like robots as in study study study and learn to pass exams. What happens to the knowledge they received from studying? Gone, gone because the knowledge was intended to stay in their heads only until after the exam ends. How sad.
Before I get out of point, how can a teacher reveal what is going to be asked in a test?
Let bygones be bygones? I cannot do that, if something is not right then someone has to speak up. If something is questionable then it has to be judged, either right or wrong.
Even if I wanted to forget about what happened in the test. I understand that this Cikgu Razali has given his students homework on his blog. This is the link which he gave the work.
Announcing homework on a blog, I do not know about you but to me it sounds like he is trying to force students into visitting his blog. He is like making it compulsory though he has never said so directly, for his students to go to his blogs, this is such a despicable act. Want to have blogs? By all means. But why force people to visit? Giving homework through his blog leaves students no choice but to visit the blog. Come on, this is a secondary school no matter how much people want to think of Sixth Form as Pre-university, we should be given homework to do from the classroom. We can get information online to aid us in certain assignments, but we do not need to find out what are our assignments from the internet.
Furthermore, Cikgu Razali collects assignments done by students to be put on his blog. He takes slides on Power Point and essays on Word from students after they have done their presentations each time.
How can a teacher, a human, how can he do such a thing?
How can a teacher have such low morality?
Want to have blogs, it is his freedom. Whether or not students want to visit his blogs is however their freedom.
Want to build blogs that students can benefit from, good effort. Students will naturally visit if the blogs are really good. However it is still their freedom whether or not to visit.
Indirectly forcing students to go to his blogs, I totally disrespect and disagree with such an act.
One word- RIDICULOUS!
Why is he doing so much to increase the frequency of people visiting his blog? Trying to attract students by putting up "information" and whatever "good stuff"? Even stooping down to publishing exam tips as in what exactly will be asked in the paper? Why does he want so much readership? Who does he want to impress? Why so hard up? Why so desperate for readership?
Something is not right, someone has to speak up. I am doing it now. If I am wrong, please say something, I am open to correction.
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good man do nothing.
Edmund Burke.
Today I decide to voice out!
What is his purpose of blogging?
Monday 24 August 2009
ask
...and you shall receive.
I don't believe in this anymore.
Expectations only lead to disappointment.
So does hope.
Who says hopeless is not good?
Now I say,
Sometimes losing all hope might not necessarily be a bad thing.
I don't believe in this anymore.
Expectations only lead to disappointment.
So does hope.
Who says hopeless is not good?
Now I say,
At least the hopeless are not disappointed!
Sometimes losing all hope might not necessarily be a bad thing.
Thursday 20 August 2009
appreciate?
Sometimes we get what we do not want, however what we do not want might not be bad for us.
But just because we do not want what we get, we subconsciously deny what might be good for us.
Of course, just as in any other case, there are always exceptions.
However it is undeniable that there are actually many people and things around us which though good are unappreciated by us. Maybe many things do not make sense now but in the future might. Having known this principle, we still do not care. Therefore I can conclude that many humans are "shortsighted"?
Perhaps I do not know how to put my thoughts into this blog clearly and effectively.
One of the most common example of the lack of appreciation in me now is school since I am a student.
A teacher teaches
Sometimes he/she even gets our peers to be involved in the lessons
Thus we lose due respect for the teachers as well as ourselves...
But just because we do not want what we get, we subconsciously deny what might be good for us.
Of course, just as in any other case, there are always exceptions.
However it is undeniable that there are actually many people and things around us which though good are unappreciated by us. Maybe many things do not make sense now but in the future might. Having known this principle, we still do not care. Therefore I can conclude that many humans are "shortsighted"?
Perhaps I do not know how to put my thoughts into this blog clearly and effectively.
One of the most common example of the lack of appreciation in me now is school since I am a student.
A teacher teaches
Sometimes he/she even gets our peers to be involved in the lessons
But we do not pay attention in class
Thus we lose due respect for the teachers as well as ourselves...
Monday 17 August 2009
not happy?
Complain complain complain but all in vain.
I have a million things which I am not not satisfied with, most of which I am very very unhappy about. However I have learnt too well that complaining will not help at all because it only draws the people around further and further away. Logically thinking, it is valid that they grow tired or get fed up when you are always scaring them though you do not mean it.
Staying silent.
Does it help? Does it make you feel better?
Sometimes not.
However, many times not staying silent might only make things worse when situations are already bad enough as they are.
Nevertheless, staying silent is not the best option all the time. In fact, it can never be a way out.
Voice out.
The question is, How?
Another question, Does anybody want to hear?
An important question, Will anybody understand? If not it would be redundant to even say a single word.
Understanding.
It is a two-way thing. And so it communication.
Helping hand.
Someone has to offer it, the other has to accept.
I have a million things which I am not not satisfied with, most of which I am very very unhappy about. However I have learnt too well that complaining will not help at all because it only draws the people around further and further away. Logically thinking, it is valid that they grow tired or get fed up when you are always scaring them though you do not mean it.
Staying silent.
Does it help? Does it make you feel better?
Sometimes not.
However, many times not staying silent might only make things worse when situations are already bad enough as they are.
Nevertheless, staying silent is not the best option all the time. In fact, it can never be a way out.
Voice out.
The question is, How?
Another question, Does anybody want to hear?
An important question, Will anybody understand? If not it would be redundant to even say a single word.
Understanding.
It is a two-way thing. And so it communication.
Helping hand.
Someone has to offer it, the other has to accept.
Where is that helping hand that once guided me through so many trials, which I need most now?where are you...
Thursday 13 August 2009
Inertia
Sir Isaac Newton in his first Law of Motion stated that an object will continue to be in its uniform velocity or remain at rest until being acted upon by an external force.
In paraphrase, Newton simply said that every body with mass is stubborn.
I agree very much with my paraphrase of course. In fact, it can be used as a metaphor for human behavior:
In paraphrase, Newton simply said that every body with mass is stubborn.
I agree very much with my paraphrase of course. In fact, it can be used as a metaphor for human behavior:
Everybody is stubborn.
Inertia is the resistance towards change of motion.
The greater the mass of an object, the greater is its inertia.
The greater the mass of an object, the greater is its inertia.
Friday 7 August 2009
Dawn
In the morning, 6 o'clock
Minutes before dawn
I am waking
I am sleeping
Waking from my sleep
Though how to wake I know
To live I know not
To make the steps I take
Steps of faith
The words I speak
Words of peace
Living without goals
Living without hope
Waiting for the light
Waiting for the dawn
Glimpses of light will show
However, hope might not
© Joel Yap
Monday 3 August 2009
People
People hurt people
People forget people
Forsaking the ones in need
Creating hurts so deep
People use people
People betray people
Cheating each other
Killing one another
© Joel Yap
Friday 24 July 2009
Appearance
The way people judge people has become based on the way people look.
I refuse to shave
and do not wish to look good anymore
at this point of time.
I have been observing the actions and reactions of different peoples in various situations. And from my observations together with past experiences, I can say that guys and girls with good looks tend to be more "accepted" among people- both peers and strangers. On the other hand, unfortunate ones who belong to the other side of the scale when it comes to outward appearances are usually being rejected, discriminated and marginalized somehow. They are always either the last choice or at least come after the good-looking ones.
Popularity, big personality, good looks, sense of humour, etc.
These are what I find what the crowd go for.
However are these virtues that contribute to true beauty?
Our values, thoughts and perspectives have degraded to such shallowness,
that we are no longer able to appreciate inner beauty.
Indeed, man look at the outside.
Yes, we need to look at the inside too, but we always do it after looking at the outside.
Why do people show favour on handsome guys and pretty girls?
Why are people not showing the same treatment towards everybody?
I refuse to shave
and do not wish to look good anymore
at this point of time.
I have been observing the actions and reactions of different peoples in various situations. And from my observations together with past experiences, I can say that guys and girls with good looks tend to be more "accepted" among people- both peers and strangers. On the other hand, unfortunate ones who belong to the other side of the scale when it comes to outward appearances are usually being rejected, discriminated and marginalized somehow. They are always either the last choice or at least come after the good-looking ones.
Popularity, big personality, good looks, sense of humour, etc.
These are what I find what the crowd go for.
However are these virtues that contribute to true beauty?
Our values, thoughts and perspectives have degraded to such shallowness,
that we are no longer able to appreciate inner beauty.
Indeed, man look at the outside.
Yes, we need to look at the inside too, but we always do it after looking at the outside.
Why do people show favour on handsome guys and pretty girls?
Why are people not showing the same treatment towards everybody?
Tuesday 21 July 2009
mana boleh?
I failed. I failed. I failed my driving test. Yes, for both motorcycle and car.
Failing for motorcycle is fine with me la, I agree that I am not very good at it.
But failing in driving the car is simply unacceptable. The parking tests were peanuts to me and I passed every element. How can I fail on the road? I have been driving for some time already and I take pride in my skills. I can drive well, yes I can!
How can I fail??!
This is the reward of righteousness- You don't pass without paying the bribe.
Anyway, I don't need a licence to drive people crazy. Some people are already deliberately avoiding and ignoring me liao, and I don't understand just what did I do. What makes this worse is that I cannot do anything about it at all.
Failing for motorcycle is fine with me la, I agree that I am not very good at it.
But failing in driving the car is simply unacceptable. The parking tests were peanuts to me and I passed every element. How can I fail on the road? I have been driving for some time already and I take pride in my skills. I can drive well, yes I can!
How can I fail??!
This is the reward of righteousness- You don't pass without paying the bribe.
One thing in common between Confidence and Expectation is this,
They lead to Disappointment.
Joel Yap (21/7/09)
Anyway, I don't need a licence to drive people crazy. Some people are already deliberately avoiding and ignoring me liao, and I don't understand just what did I do. What makes this worse is that I cannot do anything about it at all.
Monday 20 July 2009
Cari Pasal
Someone THOUGHT I had my driver's licence already, which proves that he/she didn't know, he/she assumed. Which I believe, further proves that he/she didn't care.
But that someone recently tried to lecture me.
Breaking the law? Driving illegally??
Pot calling the kettle black.
If you didn't care then, you shouldn't cari pasal now.
But that someone recently tried to lecture me.
Breaking the law? Driving illegally??
Let me tell you this: A driver's licence does not serve as an immunity to illegal driving.
Let me ask you this: Tell me, frankly, do you not drive above the speed limit?? Now, are you not breaking the law as well?
Pot calling the kettle black.
If you didn't care then, you shouldn't cari pasal now.
Don't cari pasal.
Wednesday 15 July 2009
Question
Answer the following question:
Leave your answers in the comments section, please.
Person with the best answer wins a prize.
How do you motivate a person with no purpose?
Leave your answers in the comments section, please.
Person with the best answer wins a prize.
Thursday 9 July 2009
Double Kill!
I broke stuff in school today, twice- first in the Physics laboratory then Chemistry.
Why am I so careless?? No one in class has ever broken a single piece of glass except for me. And today is not the first day, I already broke a beaker during my first Chemistry practical. So I hold the record, three times in a row!
Hahaha....
Then a thought came to mind as I was daydreaming just as I always do, in school. The beakers that I broke did not lie on the ground forever, the floor was cleaned up and the glass fragments and shatters were picked up and swept away. There was someone to clean up the mess, be it myself- the culprit or other people. Somebody cared enough to help after the accident occurred. Should nothing be done at all and the pieces of glass were left all over the ground, someone could get hurt. When somebody gets hurt, the situation is now said to have become more complicated. Accident leading to accidents.
This is also quite true in life. When something bad happens to you and a friend comes along to help, when you screw up and someone is there to clean up the mess, when you have a need and the need is met, you feel safe and you can live freely because you don't have to worry too much. However, in contrast, when you do something wrong and no one wants to correct you, when you are in deep trouble and nobody gives a damn, when you are in situations that are so bad that you desperately do not know how to live in them and your closest ones forsake you, you become helpless. When you are left alone to fend for yourself because you are no longer of value as you probably were before. You wonder, "Since when did people become so hostile and ignorant?" You turn to loved ones but they turn away. You turn to them for help but they turn a deaf ear on you. You do not understand the way things are and why are the way things are are how the way things are.
In your desperation you try every method to make things better but you only end up in failure. Everytime you ask for something, rejection is what you get and hostility is what you face.
You pause and you breathe, and you start to think, "Surely something good still exist." You try to convince yourself that there is a glimpse of hope, but you find yourself in a dilemma. Everything is hopeless? Not everything is hopeless?
Don't give up? Or move on? Moving on sounds like giving up and giving in.
It is normal to have good days and bad days, everybody has to go through them and experience bad days too.
I am a bad person with much bad experiences experiencing my worst days so far in a bad condition, currently I am having a bad time.
Why am I so careless?? No one in class has ever broken a single piece of glass except for me. And today is not the first day, I already broke a beaker during my first Chemistry practical. So I hold the record, three times in a row!
Hahaha....
Then a thought came to mind as I was daydreaming just as I always do, in school. The beakers that I broke did not lie on the ground forever, the floor was cleaned up and the glass fragments and shatters were picked up and swept away. There was someone to clean up the mess, be it myself- the culprit or other people. Somebody cared enough to help after the accident occurred. Should nothing be done at all and the pieces of glass were left all over the ground, someone could get hurt. When somebody gets hurt, the situation is now said to have become more complicated. Accident leading to accidents.
This is also quite true in life. When something bad happens to you and a friend comes along to help, when you screw up and someone is there to clean up the mess, when you have a need and the need is met, you feel safe and you can live freely because you don't have to worry too much. However, in contrast, when you do something wrong and no one wants to correct you, when you are in deep trouble and nobody gives a damn, when you are in situations that are so bad that you desperately do not know how to live in them and your closest ones forsake you, you become helpless. When you are left alone to fend for yourself because you are no longer of value as you probably were before. You wonder, "Since when did people become so hostile and ignorant?" You turn to loved ones but they turn away. You turn to them for help but they turn a deaf ear on you. You do not understand the way things are and why are the way things are are how the way things are.
In your desperation you try every method to make things better but you only end up in failure. Everytime you ask for something, rejection is what you get and hostility is what you face.
You pause and you breathe, and you start to think, "Surely something good still exist." You try to convince yourself that there is a glimpse of hope, but you find yourself in a dilemma. Everything is hopeless? Not everything is hopeless?
Don't give up? Or move on? Moving on sounds like giving up and giving in.
It is normal to have good days and bad days, everybody has to go through them and experience bad days too.
I am a bad person with much bad experiences experiencing my worst days so far in a bad condition, currently I am having a bad time.
Beakers were broken in the hands of a broken person.
Joel Yap
Wednesday 8 July 2009
Expiry Date
Every object has a fixed amount of time
before it rots, after which there it goes
Every human too has a limited time
to live, to breathe, and to coexist
This is the blatant truth, a harsh reality:
Everybody needs to die, nothing is eternal
I know that the truth hurts, I don't like it either
But nothing lasts forever, everything expires
You don't know when's your deadline
The day you fade away
You don't know how much longer
Can you live to play and play
So stop dreaming like a child
Wake up and live your numbered days
Refrigerators, dry conditions
Salt and vinegar, reducing agents
Various methods to delay Expiration
But nothing lasts forever, everything expires
Time is running out, time is running out
Time is running out, everything expires
© Joel Yap
Tuesday 7 July 2009
Hostility
Planet Earth is full of humans
Homo sapiens though live together
are however against each other.
Downright scumbags act as upright people;
Relationships are forgotten
once advantages are unavailable;
Poor helpless ones become forsaken,
left with nothing but disappointment.
Pathetic losers claim that life is beautiful
so
Think before you speak;
Look me in the eye
and tell me:
What's so good about this world?
People hurting people
Everyday, in every way possible.
Why is there no love at all?
Ignorance, indifference,
Petulance is so prevalent.
Neither empathy nor sympathy
Only apathy is commonly practised
Planet Earth is full of humans
© Joel Yap
Gone are the feelings once so sweet
Now I am left alone to bleed
You have never been this mean
Where are your promises to me?
Now I am left alone to bleed
You have never been this mean
Where are your promises to me?
Monday 29 June 2009
a thousand words
The picture speaks...
Have you ever been in situations where you have so much to say but nothing comes out verbally? Some feelings are so difficult to be put into words, be it written or spoken. And so what if you are able to do so? What if there is no one who cares at all? Have you ever felt being left all alone to fend for yourself? Have you ever felt so rejected that you fear trusting again? Have you ever been so hurt to the extend that physical pain is too easy to bear?
What do you do when the whole world seems to be so cold? What do you do when life doesn't make any sense anymore? What do you do when living becomes a chore?
Why do you even ask for help when no one can? Why do you still struggle when you know struggling is only a waste of time? Why do you still hope? Why do you still want?
How are you going to solve a problem so big, when you don't know what is causing it? How will you be going to live on under such harsh conditions?
Saturday 27 June 2009
Friday 26 June 2009
involved
Teacher put me in charge of something to do with decorating the classroom, should I ignore her and not do anything? Or should I be involved?
I really don't feel like being a part in anything to do with school... So does it make me a hypocrite if I help out with the class decorations?
Assistant monitor.... I didn't ask for this responsibility, neither do I want it!
I really don't feel like being a part in anything to do with school... So does it make me a hypocrite if I help out with the class decorations?
Assistant monitor.... I didn't ask for this responsibility, neither do I want it!
Friday 19 June 2009
survived
I literally wasted 5 days in school. Sigh, one week... One whole week!!
You can say I survived la.
You can say I survived la.
Thursday 11 June 2009
emo
Oh I know too well how it feels to be ignored and left alone!
Stop it! Before it is too late.
Please.
Sunday 7 June 2009
wet my bed
It is 4 in the morning and I'm on the computer. The early bird gets the Worm? Hope not.
I just peed in my pants actually, am quite frustrated about it but how can I blame anyone for this? Neither should I be blamed since it was not intentional.
After all the sighing and regretting I paused for a while and realised a truth:
So, losing control of your bladder in bed is embarrassing. What's next? Clean up!
I just peed in my pants actually, am quite frustrated about it but how can I blame anyone for this? Neither should I be blamed since it was not intentional.
After all the sighing and regretting I paused for a while and realised a truth:
I am going to turn 18 already and whether or not I want to, I am physically grown. Thus it is only right that I continue growing mentally, and spiritually. Maturity is a requisite as well as an obligation for a proper person.
So, losing control of your bladder in bed is embarrassing. What's next? Clean up!
- I wet my bed, it may symbolise shame- something you want to cover up.
- There was frustration and disappointment, a feeling of regret and reproach.
- There was a choice, to sulk and go back to sleep or to get up and clean up the mess.
- After doing either one of the above, my parents and sister will find out what happened when they wake up which will be soon. There are consequences to face, in this case, embarrassment. Yes, sometimes we will have to face the consequences even though we did the right thing.
- When I was young I did not have to clean up after wetting the bed since my parents would do everything for me; now I am no longer young, therefore I cannot remain the same. Time to clean up my own mess.
- Change the sheets! Replace what is dirty, and move on.
- There were times when I had people looking out for me; but there are also times where I must do whatever I have to, without being a burden to those who took care of me.
Time to grow up, Mr. Joel Yap!
Sunday 24 May 2009
Symptoms of Depression
- Preoccupation with negative thoughts particularly in the morning
- Restless and irritable
- Abnormal eating
- Poor motivation
- Loss in interests or pleasure in daily activities
- Sleeping badly(too much or too little), often with excessive dreaming
- Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
- Sadness or hopelessness
- Having problems concentrating, remembering and making decisions
- Sensitivity
- Impatience
- Drug abuse
- Suicidal thoughts
Tuesday 19 May 2009
bad mood
Cry Cry Cry!
I have been crying unusually often recently, I never used to. Don't know why....
What's the use even if I know the cause of this abnormal behaviour? Would anyone care?
Who understands? Who wants to understand?
I don't know how to express myself anymore. Am already shaped by a lot of hurts and disappointments. Sometimes what seemed harmless might be hostility to me and towards me.
Too sensitive? Too weak?
Tell me who can understand.
God?
I have been crying unusually often recently, I never used to. Don't know why....
What's the use even if I know the cause of this abnormal behaviour? Would anyone care?
Who understands? Who wants to understand?
I don't know how to express myself anymore. Am already shaped by a lot of hurts and disappointments. Sometimes what seemed harmless might be hostility to me and towards me.
Too sensitive? Too weak?
Tell me who can understand.
God?
Thursday 14 May 2009
Charge
Day 4 in STK as a "Pra-U" student, I had nothing but complaints. How to continue living like this?! I mean, how can I continue complaining all the time? Sigh, it has been so difficult to say nice things during these four days on STK ground. I hardly even smiled happily this week so everytime I smile I feel like a hypocrite!
The title for this blog post is "Charge". Haha... Wanna talk a bit about different charges I experienced this week.
On the first day of orientation, a girl from Upper Six sold me a school necktie which I thought was supposed to be included in the "orientation package" and she charged me RM7.50! Wasn't(isn't) it too expensive? Speaking of the "orientation package", the school charged every newly enroled Form 6 student RM65 for a pen, two pencils, two sets of examination pad, a few booklets, an MPPPU pin and a pair of socks. Good money rite? I bet the school earned a lot from us victim students.
Back to the necktie, after paying for it the same girl told me to buy an MPPPU t-shirt and claimed that it was compulsory since everyone will be required to wear it the next day. At that moment I looked at her in the eye and asked if it were true because I really did(do) not want to waste any money unnecessarily. She suddenly switched to a softer tone(maybe I scared her) and pointed at the cheapest design which cost Rm5. So she charged me RM5 for the old MPPPU t-shirt, otherwise I would have wasted more money! Guess what, later I found out the MPPPU was clearing up their stock as those t-shirts didn't sell so well. I felt(feel) so used! Well, it is over already, at least I learned my first lesson in STK on the very first day I stepped into the school.
Call me cheapscate, I won't mind. I really do not want to waste money anymore.
(Didn't even look at the reference books they were selling during orientation)
Erm, I realised I had been complaining and criticising a lot ever since the first day of orientation. Now the more I breathe there, the more I feel like quitting.
Complaining is not good, of course it is not good. It even makes you worse everytime you complain. But the question is, How not to complain? My temporary solution is to talk as little as possible since almost every word that comes out from my mouth seems to be nothing close to nice.
Finally, one last question: Why aren't there any possitive people attracted to me since I'm so negatively charged?
To those who were nice to me in school, thank you very much! To those who passed stuff to me,(books, etc) thank you even more! Really...
By the way, must the publishers publish new editions this year??! Now I don't know whether I can use old books or have to buy the expensive new ones..... Why? Why? Why publish new stuff this year? Mana boleh??!
The title for this blog post is "Charge". Haha... Wanna talk a bit about different charges I experienced this week.
On the first day of orientation, a girl from Upper Six sold me a school necktie which I thought was supposed to be included in the "orientation package" and she charged me RM7.50! Wasn't(isn't) it too expensive? Speaking of the "orientation package", the school charged every newly enroled Form 6 student RM65 for a pen, two pencils, two sets of examination pad, a few booklets, an MPPPU pin and a pair of socks. Good money rite? I bet the school earned a lot from us victim students.
Back to the necktie, after paying for it the same girl told me to buy an MPPPU t-shirt and claimed that it was compulsory since everyone will be required to wear it the next day. At that moment I looked at her in the eye and asked if it were true because I really did(do) not want to waste any money unnecessarily. She suddenly switched to a softer tone(maybe I scared her) and pointed at the cheapest design which cost Rm5. So she charged me RM5 for the old MPPPU t-shirt, otherwise I would have wasted more money! Guess what, later I found out the MPPPU was clearing up their stock as those t-shirts didn't sell so well. I felt(feel) so used! Well, it is over already, at least I learned my first lesson in STK on the very first day I stepped into the school.
Call me cheapscate, I won't mind. I really do not want to waste money anymore.
(Didn't even look at the reference books they were selling during orientation)
Erm, I realised I had been complaining and criticising a lot ever since the first day of orientation. Now the more I breathe there, the more I feel like quitting.
Complaining is not good, of course it is not good. It even makes you worse everytime you complain. But the question is, How not to complain? My temporary solution is to talk as little as possible since almost every word that comes out from my mouth seems to be nothing close to nice.
Finally, one last question: Why aren't there any possitive people attracted to me since I'm so negatively charged?
To those who were nice to me in school, thank you very much! To those who passed stuff to me,(books, etc) thank you even more! Really...
By the way, must the publishers publish new editions this year??! Now I don't know whether I can use old books or have to buy the expensive new ones..... Why? Why? Why publish new stuff this year? Mana boleh??!
Monday 20 April 2009
irrational?
Today my sister stayed back after school to take some photos with a few friends for her moral project, I lent her my old camera.
About an hour ago she came home and I checked the photos, all I saw were photos of her friends(two girls) and some flowers. Elaine said they had to rush off for duty at the school library and could not help to take photos of her. Ok here's the clearer picture, my sister brought the camera but didn't have any pictures of herself taken. This doesn't sound right at all. Looks like the two girls were just using Elaine and worse still, they want the photos tomorrow! This is outrageous!
I was so furious that I was ready to confront and scold those girls, because Elaine was being used by them.
So this was my plan:
BUT, all the images were lost suddenly. I went to a camera shop only to find out that the memory card became empty.
Maybe God took away the images to punish those girls; maybe He did it to stop me from going to the school shouting at Elaine's friends.
After cooling down, now I ask myself:
Was I too irrational?
About an hour ago she came home and I checked the photos, all I saw were photos of her friends(two girls) and some flowers. Elaine said they had to rush off for duty at the school library and could not help to take photos of her. Ok here's the clearer picture, my sister brought the camera but didn't have any pictures of herself taken. This doesn't sound right at all. Looks like the two girls were just using Elaine and worse still, they want the photos tomorrow! This is outrageous!
I was so furious that I was ready to confront and scold those girls, because Elaine was being used by them.
So this was my plan:
- Develop the photos
- Go to Convent after school tomorrow and wait by the gate to meet the two girls
- Charge the girls double for the photos
- Scold them and warn them not to bully Elaine, loudly in the presence of other students
BUT, all the images were lost suddenly. I went to a camera shop only to find out that the memory card became empty.
Maybe God took away the images to punish those girls; maybe He did it to stop me from going to the school shouting at Elaine's friends.
After cooling down, now I ask myself:
Was I too irrational?
Sunday 19 April 2009
not good enough?
People have been asking me about my plans for future studies. I usually answer them this, "erm...dunno, form 6 loh" And sometimes after saying this, adults will give me a kind of look and tell me Form 6 is very tough, then some might ask, "you can take it ah? better prepare to work hard"
Hmmmm.... On one hand I appreciate their concern and advice. But on the other, I can't help but to sense that some of them MIGHT be looking down on me. Well, ok la I know Form 6 is very difficult, too much to study in such little time. I really doubt if I would survive and do well in STPM since I was(perhaps still am) never serious in studies.
Form 6 will be different, and difficult. I may not have what it takes, or I may. The only way is to try loh....Choice made already, I am truly truly truly grateful to be so blessed in the sense that many had gone through this path and therefore are able to give me advice.
Hmmmm.... On one hand I appreciate their concern and advice. But on the other, I can't help but to sense that some of them MIGHT be looking down on me. Well, ok la I know Form 6 is very difficult, too much to study in such little time. I really doubt if I would survive and do well in STPM since I was(perhaps still am) never serious in studies.
Form 6 will be different, and difficult. I may not have what it takes, or I may. The only way is to try loh....Choice made already, I am truly truly truly grateful to be so blessed in the sense that many had gone through this path and therefore are able to give me advice.
Tuesday 14 April 2009
love?
People are influenced by people and situations, so am I.
Having been through secondary school life for 5 years and NS for 3 months, I witnessed many boy-girl relationships blooming as well as breaking. And I don't deny that I am somehow affected and influenced.
Affected- I've seen various people having various attitudes toward BGR. Sometimes I respect those who can really put their partners above themselves yet without letting BGR affect their academical performances; but it makes me sick to see others regard BGR as a game, their partners are just a 'play thing' to them!
Being aware that there are MANY different types of girls out there, sometimes I have a hope of meeting one who is perfect for me; however sometimes I become discouraged because it seems like as if none of them are suitable.
Influenced- I think I've been having slight desires to be attached as well... Haha! Those little thoughts of being in a BGR creep into my mind when I see couples so happily in love. It's like so nice la...to have someone to confide in and share problems with. It's such a special relationship, it definitely is, with no secrets between each other.
Being in love? It seems so sweet... Even I myself feel like wanting to get married, especially when I look at wedding photos and family photos!
Well, I still wish to stay single because the commitment (some might call it burden) is no joking matter. I don't believe in divorce, so have to be very very very careful. But if ever I enter a BGR and walk into marriage with her, I want to make sure it is happy. And to make sure that it'll be happy then, I must keep myself pure now. In order to enjoy sex fully, the way God intended it to be enjoyed, one must keep his/her body pure before marriage. Otherwise the thrill and excitement wouldn't be as fun already.
Besides that, the apostle Paul said that men are to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. So a man must love his wife to the extend of being willing to sacrifice his life for her. Will I be able to stand the test? Will I prove myself worthy of her submission? Dying for a person, how many people are capable of that?
Oh, here are two teachings that I agree with very much!
Having been through secondary school life for 5 years and NS for 3 months, I witnessed many boy-girl relationships blooming as well as breaking. And I don't deny that I am somehow affected and influenced.
Affected- I've seen various people having various attitudes toward BGR. Sometimes I respect those who can really put their partners above themselves yet without letting BGR affect their academical performances; but it makes me sick to see others regard BGR as a game, their partners are just a 'play thing' to them!
Being aware that there are MANY different types of girls out there, sometimes I have a hope of meeting one who is perfect for me; however sometimes I become discouraged because it seems like as if none of them are suitable.
Influenced- I think I've been having slight desires to be attached as well... Haha! Those little thoughts of being in a BGR creep into my mind when I see couples so happily in love. It's like so nice la...to have someone to confide in and share problems with. It's such a special relationship, it definitely is, with no secrets between each other.
Being in love? It seems so sweet... Even I myself feel like wanting to get married, especially when I look at wedding photos and family photos!
Well, I still wish to stay single because the commitment (some might call it burden) is no joking matter. I don't believe in divorce, so have to be very very very careful. But if ever I enter a BGR and walk into marriage with her, I want to make sure it is happy. And to make sure that it'll be happy then, I must keep myself pure now. In order to enjoy sex fully, the way God intended it to be enjoyed, one must keep his/her body pure before marriage. Otherwise the thrill and excitement wouldn't be as fun already.
Besides that, the apostle Paul said that men are to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. So a man must love his wife to the extend of being willing to sacrifice his life for her. Will I be able to stand the test? Will I prove myself worthy of her submission? Dying for a person, how many people are capable of that?
Oh, here are two teachings that I agree with very much!
- Commitment comes before intimacy.
- Learn to love your mother and sister(s) before even thinking that you are capable of loving a person as your wife.
Tuesday 7 April 2009
dream broken
I had just declined the course Nanyang Polytechnic offered me, it was the course of my first choice, the one I wanted so much- Diploma in Nursing.
Clicking on 'decline' followed by 'confirm' was painful alright.
Well, no more contemplating and headach-ing.
Now the path is clearer, less options. No more options in fact, apart from Form 6.
However, this path will lead to even more options. Sigh, let tomorrow worry about itself la!
Clicking on 'decline' followed by 'confirm' was painful alright.
Well, no more contemplating and headach-ing.
Now the path is clearer, less options. No more options in fact, apart from Form 6.
However, this path will lead to even more options. Sigh, let tomorrow worry about itself la!
Thursday 2 April 2009
something to remember
Don't expect anything in return when you love and care for others, because you will easily become disappointed.
Only one life,
’Twill soon be past;
Only what’s done
for Christ will last.
Monday 30 March 2009
nursing?
I got offered my first choice which is Diploma in Nursing at Nanyang Polytechnic, Singapore.
Should I go? Really can't make up my mind la...
Aunties and uncles are not in favour of me studying in a polytechnic because they're afraid I might not enter university.
I really appreciate them and their support, wanting me to get into university.
So, what's next?
Diploma or STPM? If STPM, Physics or Biology?
I feel helpless and useless especially when it is so difficult to make a decision.
Should I go? Really can't make up my mind la...
Aunties and uncles are not in favour of me studying in a polytechnic because they're afraid I might not enter university.
I really appreciate them and their support, wanting me to get into university.
So, what's next?
Diploma or STPM? If STPM, Physics or Biology?
I feel helpless and useless especially when it is so difficult to make a decision.
Sunday 22 March 2009
listen
After a common yet interesting observation today, a thought came to my mind.
Sometimes when someone is sharing to a group of about 20, if the person speaks too softly or for too long, some people start to lose their attention.
Sometimes the person talking just don't know when to stop, but worse still, how to speak clearly. But that's not anybody's fault actually, communicational skill can and should be practised.
Anyway, this is the scenario: Girl sharing to a group, talked for too long.
Observation: Some of the people who were listening got bored and started looking around, doing other stuff; However, some continued to pat attention to what the girl was saying.
Thought: How sweet of those who continued listening to the girl even when she was talking for too long and probably boring them. But surely some bored ones might had lost attention earlier but decided to show focus to the girl talking. These people probably didn't already know what was going on, but afterward tried or pretended to pay attention.
Can I say that such people were being nice to the girl? They tried to continue listening because they cared for her feelings.
Or can I call them hypocrites? Because they pretended.
Sometimes when someone is sharing to a group of about 20, if the person speaks too softly or for too long, some people start to lose their attention.
Sometimes the person talking just don't know when to stop, but worse still, how to speak clearly. But that's not anybody's fault actually, communicational skill can and should be practised.
Anyway, this is the scenario: Girl sharing to a group, talked for too long.
Observation: Some of the people who were listening got bored and started looking around, doing other stuff; However, some continued to pat attention to what the girl was saying.
Thought: How sweet of those who continued listening to the girl even when she was talking for too long and probably boring them. But surely some bored ones might had lost attention earlier but decided to show focus to the girl talking. These people probably didn't already know what was going on, but afterward tried or pretended to pay attention.
Can I say that such people were being nice to the girl? They tried to continue listening because they cared for her feelings.
Or can I call them hypocrites? Because they pretended.
Monday 16 March 2009
hair
I used to be very particular about hair, but now that I no longer am, I can't decide what kind of hairstyle should I have in future.
Should I keep long hair? Afro? Remain bald? Go back to Spiky? Try wild hairstyles?
Colour? Anything other than black? try?
Friday 27 February 2009
Night
Night - Joel Yap© Joel Yap
The Sun is asleep, my soul is at peace;
A blanket covers the sky, my spirit delights.
Swiftly the winds blow, painfully my heart groans;
Gently the crickets sing, quietly my eyes bleed.
The diamonds above sparkle to calm me down,
for they have seen my body suffer since dawn.
Though hidden in cruel daylight, they were there,
And same goes to angels, who silently watch over man.
Darkness, my closest friend, marks an end of another day,
I love the Night! For it signifies, a hope for quietness and rest.
Inspired by Psalm 88:18, this was written at NS, I have never written poems before so please do not laugh at the quality of this one.
NS is torturing, the days are filled with boring and tiring activities. So I like the nights, because we don't have much to do at night. The beautiful stars accompany me and I feel so much better everytime after looking at them.
Thursday 29 January 2009
Love Story
Hmmm... Falling in love... It seems so nice, like being in a fairy tale or a romantic movie.
Is it better to stay single or not?
Falling in love is more than just feelings, it comes with responsibilities too. I believe in commitment before intimacy.
So to stay single or not for me? Right now, I don't really need to worry about this. But in the future I might probably want to stay single. Haha... Not sure la..
Courtship, must think carefully before entering it because it leads to marriage.
Marriage, must think carefully before entering it because it is no turning back. Yes, I don't believe in divorce. Amen.
Is it better to stay single or not?
Falling in love is more than just feelings, it comes with responsibilities too. I believe in commitment before intimacy.
So to stay single or not for me? Right now, I don't really need to worry about this. But in the future I might probably want to stay single. Haha... Not sure la..
Courtship, must think carefully before entering it because it leads to marriage.
Marriage, must think carefully before entering it because it is no turning back. Yes, I don't believe in divorce. Amen.
Monday 26 January 2009
Lust
Testes produce hormones that promote secondary sexual characteristics and probably induce sexual desires as well. Apart from hormones, gametes that need to be expelled out from time to time are also made.
The human body is a masterpiece of God our Potter.
But everytime I look downwards undressed I feel awful, it is because of this little organ that sexual immorality is so prevalent in this world. Men has become so evil and lustful. It makes me angry to know that Satan is using sex to ruin so many lives of both men and women and it break my heart to see friends being trapped by pornography. I struggle and I cry to kill my sinful nature as I pray for strength.
Sex is good, lust is disgusting.
Knowledge about sex does not make a person bad, it is its application that determines the character of the person.
The futility of the human mind has made sex look so ugly and scary
The human body is a masterpiece of God our Potter.
But everytime I look downwards undressed I feel awful, it is because of this little organ that sexual immorality is so prevalent in this world. Men has become so evil and lustful. It makes me angry to know that Satan is using sex to ruin so many lives of both men and women and it break my heart to see friends being trapped by pornography. I struggle and I cry to kill my sinful nature as I pray for strength.
Sex is good, lust is disgusting.
Knowledge about sex does not make a person bad, it is its application that determines the character of the person.
The futility of the human mind has made sex look so ugly and scary
Saturday 10 January 2009
Further studies?
An ending of a chapter in life leads to a beginning of a new one. It's high time I decide what to do with this life!
So.... I've been thinking and thinking and thinking:
If I want to become rich and enjoy life through material gain, I would open a funeral parlour. The business is good and so is the profit! I mean, people die everyday no matter how good or bad is the economy and the demand for coffins is never ending. Going into this line is great in terms of money earned.
But who would want to marry an undertaker? Haha! Even if some one does, how would my children feel when people ask them "What does your daddy do for a living"?
And of course, material gain is not what I live for.
If I were to open a restaurant, the profit would be quite good too, depending on the business of course.
Hmmmm.....
If I start a childcare business, I'd be a happy man looking after children everyday. Running a daycare center sounds good! I get to play with children and have lots of fun although there is a lot of hard work and headache.
If I go into nursing, I'd have to give up music ministry as the crazy time schedule wouldn't leave me much fixed free time for band practices. In addition, I wouldn't have much time for family too whereas running a daycare center would give me free time after work and on weekends. Erm... Meeting demanding patients everyday can be challenging and the thought of cleaning some of their buttocks disgusts me but not blood and dead bodies, hope to work in the emergency ward where there are lots of blood or peace ward where there are lots of dead bodies. Hehehe.... Most importantly, having a helpful, humble and willing-to-serve heart for people is a must-have in this line.
However, there will be friends who might make fun of me choosing to become a male nurse but I'm prepared for it already. "I don't care what they say about me, it's alright, it's alright..."
If I become a teacher, I'd be able to educate the young generation and try to bring them up and love them as if they were my own! Children need to be educated but now they're only learning how to pass exams, this is absurd! Something needs to be done or else Malaysian students may soon be internationally useless and incapable. Teaching as a career sounds good too, plus there's a lot of holidays.
If I become a tour guide, I get to learn different languages and culture. I'd be travelling a lot for free but will probably not have time for church on Sundays... Sigh...
Enough Ifs! Time to think more deeply and carefully. The conclusion is that whatever one does, he or she must be prepared to work hard. Here on earth, nothing is easy! The truth will set you free.
And whatever I do, I don't want to live this life chasing after material wealth, sex or fame because all these are just nonsense.
Oh well, life is short and miserable.
So.... I've been thinking and thinking and thinking:
If I want to become rich and enjoy life through material gain, I would open a funeral parlour. The business is good and so is the profit! I mean, people die everyday no matter how good or bad is the economy and the demand for coffins is never ending. Going into this line is great in terms of money earned.
But who would want to marry an undertaker? Haha! Even if some one does, how would my children feel when people ask them "What does your daddy do for a living"?
And of course, material gain is not what I live for.
If I were to open a restaurant, the profit would be quite good too, depending on the business of course.
Hmmmm.....
If I start a childcare business, I'd be a happy man looking after children everyday. Running a daycare center sounds good! I get to play with children and have lots of fun although there is a lot of hard work and headache.
If I go into nursing, I'd have to give up music ministry as the crazy time schedule wouldn't leave me much fixed free time for band practices. In addition, I wouldn't have much time for family too whereas running a daycare center would give me free time after work and on weekends. Erm... Meeting demanding patients everyday can be challenging and the thought of cleaning some of their buttocks disgusts me but not blood and dead bodies, hope to work in the emergency ward where there are lots of blood or peace ward where there are lots of dead bodies. Hehehe.... Most importantly, having a helpful, humble and willing-to-serve heart for people is a must-have in this line.
However, there will be friends who might make fun of me choosing to become a male nurse but I'm prepared for it already. "I don't care what they say about me, it's alright, it's alright..."
If I become a teacher, I'd be able to educate the young generation and try to bring them up and love them as if they were my own! Children need to be educated but now they're only learning how to pass exams, this is absurd! Something needs to be done or else Malaysian students may soon be internationally useless and incapable. Teaching as a career sounds good too, plus there's a lot of holidays.
If I become a tour guide, I get to learn different languages and culture. I'd be travelling a lot for free but will probably not have time for church on Sundays... Sigh...
Enough Ifs! Time to think more deeply and carefully. The conclusion is that whatever one does, he or she must be prepared to work hard. Here on earth, nothing is easy! The truth will set you free.
And whatever I do, I don't want to live this life chasing after material wealth, sex or fame because all these are just nonsense.
Oh well, life is short and miserable.
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