Kerosene

As I come to work on a Monday's night shift. Two other hospital staff follow soon after, taking with them an unconscious man to be admitted to the ICU.

The drama of getting the patient settled in begins. He is barely responsive, thus making a number of tasks easier to carry out, whereas certain things, more inconvenient or challenging. The whole body reeks of kerosene, I cut up the T-shirt while another nurse removes the trousers as we clean the man up. We quickly hook him up on the machines that will be monitoring his vital signs and start collecting blood and urine specimens to be sent off for various tests.

The routines are done and the man remains unconscious, I go back to attend to my assigned patients for the night and start to read through the new guy's case notes as soon as my to-do list for the hour is cleared. Lo, this is another case of drug overdose; his colleagues had found him lying unconscious with an empty bottle of kerosene in the same office.

An hour later, the wife and daughter arrive, stunned and in tears as they look at the state in which their man of the house is. A few nurses speak to the ladies as I watch from a distance.

I never went near the patient again for the rest of the shift.

Has business been bad? Is there something wrong at home? Was he experiencing financial difficulties or health problems? Or was he thirsty for kerosene?

What an irresponsible man.

I find joy and purpose in life by helping the helpless on their hospital(sometimes death) beds, however my patience is limited for people who overdose themselves with stupid things for stupid reasons. May God pardon me for the reluctance in doing more good for such creatures, may my kindness grow.
 

Of fairness and justice

"When a society is highly unequal, hardnose insistence on merit often benefits those who have the means disproportionally." YB Liew Chin Tong.

Is meritocracy not a good thing? Are we not highly unsatisfied with the cronyism and nepotism that are so rampant in this nation? Why then did the YB I quoted seem to be not for meritocracy, while the political party he represents is all out against alleged corruption in the current rulling Government?

Rewarding based on merit, regardless of race, gender, age, etc. is being fair to all and promotes excellence. does meritocracy mean fairness? Yes. Does it therefore bring about justice? Up to you.

Well, in a society where distribution of wealth is already unfair, I believe it should be fine to help give the lower classes a push so that they may stand a better chance at competing with their oppressors. However, would attempts to level the playing field be fair to the upper classes?

The poor folks need aid but the rich ones belong to the country too.

We despise cronyism, but though only few dare to admit it, cronyism simply cannot be eradicated as if there were an economic magic spell.

Nevertheless we agree that cronyism is unjust.
So shall we go ahead with meritocracy or not?

Wristwatch slowed down

Had the opportunity to send a patient out of the ICU for a special portrait session.

No lah! It was a brain MRI. Although in some sense, the patient did get some wonderful pictures of himself taken in a room that functions like a photo booth.

It was an eye-opening 20 minutes for me.

However I noticed that my wristwatch has become slower by a few minutes overnight. Perhaps the strong magnetic field was the culprit.

Hmmm...

Free food only mah!

In Kluang now.

I just came from a gathering that was held in honour and appreciation of the constituency's Member of Parliament, or the ex-MP, for that matter. The meeting was attended by quite a number of folks from the Chinese community. Simple speeches were given by a few men, after a video sharing which featured various people who talked about the good works that YB Dr. Hou has done since he was elected into Office.

I am not very learned in the Chinese culture, but I do appreciate Dr. Hou for his passion and enthusiasm in developing education in the Chinese medium. Besides, I appreciate the gentleman even more for his discretion. Please pardon my poor usage of words, it was a very long day. Dr. Hou isn't a man who goes around speaking with thorns in his words, unlike many politicians. To be frank, sometimes I fear for his political career as this virtue might make him vulnerable to his "competitors" out there, so-to-say; on both sides of the political divide.

Anyway, five short years have passed. I do not know what the next few years will be like. To be honest, I shall certainly have a hard decision to make if he were to stand for election again.

Digressed for quite a bit already, back to what this blog entry was about! The meeting ended with refreshments outside the hall. I must ask, why are Chinese people so kiasu ah?! Free food only mah, push and squeeze for what?

By the way, not uncommon among Malaysians, cellphones were ringing and their owners were answering them whilst speeches were made. Am I living in a little bubble of my own where only within it that speaking on the phone loudly in a seated crowd is considered rude?

Culture or bad habit?

1. Silence your phone during meetings
2. Queue up when food is being served

Let us be more civilized.
Wishing everyone a good weekend!

Low urine output

At the ICU we monitor hourly vital signs, sedation score, urine output and a few other things relevant depending on the cases. Yesterday my patient had only 2ml or urine drained over two hours. This time the staff nurse accompanying me was busy so I decided to inform the medical officer on duty.

"Doctor, doctor.. Patient so-and-so's urine output is pretty bad, only 2ml over the past two hours post surgery."
"Okay, noted. Give me a minute to come over." (Phew! I still feel a little anxious when communicating with doctors, not sure why)

 So the doctor came to check on her patient, and flushed the urinary catheter in case it was blocked. And it worked! However it did not take long for us to notice that it started leaking, and I got the stuff ready for the doctor to change the catheter.

Lo and behold, the urine just kept flowing as soon as the new catheter was in place! Poor patient, suffering from a distended bladder but was unable to express it. I felt useful as the patient's suffering was eased because I raised the issue to the doctor's attention, but what the patient probably felt was relief, which is, needless to say, more important than my feelings.


Intensive care nursing is about close monitoring of patients and judicious reporting to doctors.
 

You see, You know yet You still love.

You see me, You know me and yet You still love me. I cannot understand. Even I am uncertain of how long I can stand looking at myself in the mirror before starting to feel sick and sorry.

You are capable of loving in such an incomprehensible manner; but how can I know what I am unable to understand?
 

Uncle, why you no shoot?

I started out with a point-and-shoot when I was 18. Today I have a few cameras and a few more lenses, not to forget a couple of flash units.

However due to school and work I don't get to shoot much. Even during holidays or road trips I don't find myself taking many pictures or always holding the camera. I still enjoy photography though, but I wish I was more active than this. So, not a travel photographer. I guess I'd be better at covering events. But there aren't many I can attend in this town. Now waiting for happenings in December. Looking forward to the year end!
Still, the internship is kicking in the same month.

Buy so many equipment for what? If given a second chance, I would have spent the money on a smaller camera instead. And perhaps invested in some better lighting equipment. The DSLR bodies and lenses sometimes take up too much space! No intentions of complaining but I now know of one or two really good compact digital cameras that have full manual functions and can shoot in RAW. Of course, I wouldn't have these regrets had I not bought my first DSLR camera.

I wish I could turn back time but I can't; but if I could, I'm not sure if I would even remember to buy a different camera because there are too many things I wish I could go back in time to change.

I wish I could turn back time but I can't.
 

ISA?

Is the act all bad?

If I am not mistaken, it was enacted out of good intentions for the country. However, like any other power, it can be subject to abuse if authority falls into the wrong hands.

Now, we are no longer in danger of violence by whoever the ISA was meant to curb. Therefore the ISA ought to be repealed.

Yesterday I read in the newspapers about human traffickers being detained under ISA when the authorities could not find proof against their alleged activities.

Is the ISA still beneficial to the people? I understand that many are against the act as it, from certain perspectives, may seem very unfair. Anybody can be detained for sometimes ridiculous reasons as long as the home minister deems to be seditious.

The ISA seems very unpopular among many, however can it be put to good use? Is the act all bad?

Did Adam have a belly button?

You know, he is the first of mankind. Just thinking out loud here, wondering if Adam and Eve had belly buttons.

The Star: Unlicensed hawkers banned from schools to curb obesity

I DON'T ALWAYS read the mainstream newspapers, but I did so this morning. As I usually find, the first few pages were quite full of shit somehow dedicated to praising the Government for its good work apart from other important news.

After reading for some good fifteen minutes, I couldn't help but to reread this particular news report on a directive made in one of our states, banning unlicensed hawkers from doing business within a 40-metre radius from each school compound. And this is the fun part- to curb obesity among students! Hello, near or away from schools aside, why were illegal hawkers allowed to set up stalls in the first place?

Okay, let us thank the local authorities for being such merciful and easygoing law enforcers. How understanding of them! So, that grace is about to come to an end. From now on only licensed stall owners would be allowed to carry on with their businesses near schools. Illegal hawkers, do not cry yet. Since the authorities are known to be such nice people, I do not think it would be difficult to apply for a licence to sell snacks near schools. Anyway, just my humble opinion.

However, those who wish to sell food or continuing selling food near schools must "adopt strict hygiene practices and not sell junk food," as reported in The Star.

Among the items that cannot be sold by licensed hawkers are all types of sweets, chocolate, pickled tidbits, foodstuffs with artificial colouring, preservatives and alcohol, those resembling lipstick and rings, and products that come with free gifts like balloons and picture cards.
Also discouraged are burgers, sausages, nuggets, ice-cream and carbonated drinks.

Wah! They banned sweets, chocolates, foods with artificial colouring, etc. Oh, even any product that comes with free gifts like balloons and picture cards. What if a particular product happens to come with a free gift but is not junk food? Also, ice-cream and carbonated drinks are discouraged. I may not hold a bachelor's degree in Chemistry or Food Science, but I believe most ice-creams and carbonated drinks contain artificial colouring, must I look it up on Wikipedia to be sure of this? "Foodstuffs with artificial colouring" cannot be sold, but ice-cream and carbonated drinks are discouraged. That made sense, if I were really stupid. Next, If hawkers outside the school compound are not allowed to sell snacks that fall into the category of banned items as listed, I assume that the school canteen owners ought to adhere to similar if not stricter regulations; I might be curious enough to make a trip to one of the affected schools to see how this directive is implemented. Haha! No sweets ah? Maybe no more sausages and nuggets along with your nasi lemak? Maybe no more carbonated drinks?? Oh, I would most certainly like to see how all these can be done.

To be frank, if I were an illegal hawker operating near a school, upon reading the news today I would simply carry on with my business, just outside the prohibited 40-metre radius. At least that could keep the students happy and give them a little exercise of walking an extra few steps. By the way, I might even achieve more than their Physical Education(Pendidikan Jasmani) teachers.

Banning unlicensed hawkers from schools to manage obesity? That's cute; Why not stick to the less-creative but more effective methods like providing education and raising awareness among students on the importance of staying fit?

A possible disappointment

Not a setback, nothing to worry about actually; but perhaps something to be sad over.

He gives, He can take away.

I don't own my opportunities anyway, just a steward here. Trying hard to be a good steward of my money(though the little that I have), talents(though the little that I have) and time(though I definitely do not have as much as I think I need).

Minor disappointment, even though it has not been final yet. Is this a test? Is this just a plan to evaluate my response to certain things in life?

Man has desires, aspirations and dreams; what if a door is opened to you and closed just before you could pass through? Yet you still do not know if that door is closed for sure.
 

Unkind?

Have I been unkind to certain people with my words? Be it if they deserved it or not.

Irritated, sometimes I tend to feel, especially since all have different upbringings. People have different values though certain norms have been established in society. We all don't grow up at the same pace.
Therefore, irritated, at times I tend to feel. Not that I never get on people's nerves. I just try to strike a balance between when to be serious and when not to. Well, I am only human but I am trying, to be at peace with acquaintances and not to offend anybody as I go about with my daily living.

I had been noticing my deterioration in self-control with regards to responsible speech. Have I been unkind to certain people with my words? Whether they are bad or not, there is actually no need to be unkind.

Trying hard to be an example.

搭巴士

好久没有搭巴士/公车 回家了。 这次到居銮父母都没办法来接我，我便上公共巴士付了一块钱的车费回到我天天想念的家。 坐在车上等待其他搭客上来，看看窗口外，看看车内的一切事物， 有种熟悉的感觉。 小时候妈妈常常以巴士当交通工具 带我和妹妹出门。 我第一次自己搭车是大约十二岁吧！ 上了中学与朋友一同出外也是搭公车。 十八岁考到了驾驶执照才开始从使用公共交通渐渐转移成向父母借汽车。 如今，驾车以如家常便饭（在居銮）。 今天突然有搭公车的需要，回到了过去，想起了童年。

我的童年- 简单又快乐； 不像现在。
 

Introvert?

Am I an introvert, or an extrovert trying to be an introvert?

Thanks to painful yet invaluable experiences in the past, I learned to self-protect. Guarding this heart against giving away trust too easily. Secrets are kept safer than they used to be. Emotions are rarely truly expressed. In a city as an alien, I learned self-sufficiency.

However the question still bothers me. Am I an introvert, or an extrovert trying to change himself?
 

Snakes and Doves

We need to be as shrew as snakes and as innocent as doves.

Am I being that? To survive in a cruel world like this, one should be careful with his trust.
Environments change people, people change people, experiences change people.

Can you still be as innocent as doves?

老师说：“害人之心不可有，防人之心不可无。”
 

Just the way you are

Why am I thinking about what songs to sing for my wedding dinner, now when I'm so single?!
Haha.. Anyway, have been thinking about marriage lately. Maybe it is because I just did a wedding photo shoot. Processing and organising so many pictures somehow make you think about your own wedding one day.
How will it be? Who will it be?
 

Rally vs Blood donation

Blood donation.

• It's too painful
• I'm scared of needles
• I will donate next time
• Maybe I'm underweight
• Got a lot of work to do, cannot afford to faint

Rallying.

• The government might take away my scholarship/placement in university
• Cannot risk getting arrested
• My family would be worried(not sure how true though)
•  I'll join the next time

Et cetra,  et cetra, et cetra.

The excuses reasons always seem quite valid for one who has not set his/her mind on going to participate in either of the above. I would not search the hearts of those who claim to be unable to go, because I may not like what I find. Maybe they give excuses out of fear of disappointing others? Maybe some are just too cowardly or apathetic to go, but too timid to admit it.
Of course, I am talking about rallying for a worthy cause. Not something that you disagree with.

If today you say you will go tomorrow, will you say the same thing you said today, when tomorrow comes?

Weep and Rejoice

Weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. My question is, which is easier to do?

Weep?
Going to a party seems more pleasurable when compared to going to a funeral. Visiting a couple in a maternity ward to congratulate them on the birth of their newborn certainly feels better than visiting another who just lost their child no thanks to cancer or a road traffic accident.

Rejoice?
In a marathon, you finish second. Looking back at the months of disciplined training and preparations, are you sure you are able to look into the eyes of your opponent who just beat you and sincerely feel happy for him/her for winning the race?


I don't care. Maybe it is due to living in a big city, in a foreign land, no less, that I have become comfortable living alone. Yes, I know, no man is an island; but no man remains unaffected by his environment either. You take public transportation with hundreds of people to town where even more people are. Everywhere you go you see people, and you may need to queue up for just about anything and everything. Besides, the people we are talking about come from all over the globe. How could one possibly relate to every person he sees? Over time, you just become more and more quiet in a noisy place. And you become comfortable with being quiet. Then you may become self-sufficient. Why would you weep with those who weep? Why would you rejoice with those who rejoice?

Materialism thrives. In a society where we are constantly observing and comparing. Why would I, unaffected by my neighbour's plight, weep when my neighbour weeps? Why would I, not benefiting from my neighbour's achievement, rejoice when my neighbour rejoices? Need I give any explanation? There is no reason for one to weep when he is not hurting or losing; nor is there any sense in rejoicing in the success of another, especially success at one's loss or defeat.

At the end of the day, I believe the only way is to love your neighbour as you love yourself. Not easy, but worth the sweat. Relationships matter so much more than material gains and earthly achievements. If only we could see it.
 

If Joya could model too

Have been shooting for some time now, I enjoy making people or objects look good. Just wondering what if I were to become the subject in some of my photos. What if Joya could model besides taking pictures? I don't enjoy being in photographs; but when I am, I try to make sure that I am the one doing the editing.

If you have not seen my work, you may do so here. Happy viewing!
 

Doing right?

All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart. 
Proverbs 21:2 

Nobody would mind being right, am I right? Of course I am!
Well, there are times when we are aware how not right we can be. For example, beating a red light. Fair enough, anyone who believes he is always right is only deceiving himself. But at the very least we try to convince ourselves that we are not exactly wrong, blaming people and circumstances aside. The driver behind me was driving really fast and it would have been dangerous for me to step on the brakes. The white lie I told was to protect the reputation of a friend. Adam blamed Eve for giving him the forbidden fruit when they were in Eden. Need I give you more examples?

Nobody enjoys being wrong, period. What wise words from King Solomon.
But the Lord weighs the heart. How does He do it? How can we know what are in our hearts? Even the most advanced and sophisticated medical imaging technology isn't good enough to tell you the condition of a person's heart in terms of morality. Time to be frank, we all have motives and rationales behind our every action. A person seated at close proximity to me can not quite possibly read my thoughts better than another who is a thousand miles away. Only I will know why am I acting or speaking in a certain way; perhaps even I might not always understand myself.

Conscience- something that is imprinted on the soul of every man, theists and atheists alike. Some are easily pricked by their own conscience while others may be desensitized in certain areas. Anyhow, it is up to each one to live in whatever way he or she chooses to, with conscience. All of your ways seem right to you, of course. I guess deep down, we all would probably know for ourselves most of the time if what we are doing is really right or not. It is just a matter of convincing ourselves that we are somehow right.

Actions lead to consequences, a simple truth ought to be reminded of frequently lest we start living only as we please.

My actions seem logically right in my eyes, am I too stubborn to receive correction if I were sincerely wrong? I'd love to be right all the time but am I doing right? If I stand before the Lord today and He begins to audit my life, will I be among the sheep or the goats?