羊儿别放弃

来临的路程好艰难，小羊不知能否顺利走完；
牧羊人啊，牧羊人！祢在哪里？
羊儿碰钉子了，跌跌撞撞，迷失方向。

天上的月亮，照亮地上路，希望这点光足以带领羊；
路边的小草长得高，当补充体力与精神的粮食。

前头的道路不好走，但羊儿 别放弃！

© Joel Yap

Carpet

My carpet is clean
until you check beneath!
Years of sweeping, of hiding,
dusts of fury and frustration
creep in during sleepless nights.

No one can peak into it
for I somehow fiercely guard it;
people stepped and people passed,
but none could explore the floor.

My carpet is clean
you may not check beneath!
I would not allow it
perhaps until I find strength
to do some serious cleansing.

© Joel Yap

Too Weak to Sing

Courage, O courage

where have you been?

This soul is weary-

too weak to sing.

© Joel Yap
 

That Ring

My heart dropped a little when I saw it on you,

immediately I scanned through the hands of your friends.

Alas, there was none.

Do I matter as much as you do to me?

My heart dropped a little when I saw a ring on you.

© Joel Yap

Plea in the Rain

Either make me strong to withstand the storm, or put me back in the glasshouse. Please.

Realm of Tranquility

Find me, search high and low for me 

in the messy realm of tranquility. 

Seize me, take my mind-

off complete broken things 

from my imperfect past of happiness. 

Hold me closely 

watch me carefully. 

Take me down quickly

and cover me. 

Hide me 

from the quiet storms of memories. 

Keep me from shaking. 

Stop me from falling.

Find me 

from my messy realm of tranquility.

© Joel Yap

Reliance Gone Wrong

Once upon a time

companions knew no difference,

Safe by Platonism

We grew together

Afterward you stabbed my chest;

stepping away subtly,

putting things to end

When all I had was you,

Independence- just an excuse!

So to me it seemed

Reliance gone wrong:

turned potential heights

into lowly acts;

Deliberate forces of entry;

Threats of self-destruction;

Violence in spoken words.

Your fears were my fault

Drove you crazy

"Go to the Jordan and clean yourself seven times"

wash away my bitterness

"No man can serve two masters"

worship the right one

© Joel Yap

Haiku- Cactus Shall I Be

How long has it been,

since the days turned weeks, turned months;

Not too long ago.

Have I not long grown,

familiar with silence of

a party gone wrong?

Do I missed those days,

Morning Glory shined with ease;

Support from a fence.

Could not walk on wheels,

there was you to ferry me;

Happiest of mine.

I sing a sad song,

to remember the good times:

Where there you for me!

Now you are no more,

Flower left in wilderness;

Cactus- shall I be.

© Joel Yap

Umbrella

In a time the sun was shining

Umbrella in my hands;

My head in its shadows

of protection and comfort

Then came evening cool

when I still held on

while others required

my shade

But how could I endure that sight:

parasites stealing my prized possession?!

Of course, I fought.

For none was worthy

to snatch the treasure from me!

Fright, fatigue and faint

left me no choice

but let go.

Now into the snow;

I under the rain,

learn to face the storms

©Joel Yap

Pain Modulation

For 14 times the moon shone comforting light

all were insufficient

no glass could magnify those light

neither diminish those wounds

Thank God for a nature

called Pain Modulation

what thoughtful design

Reduced sensitivity 

to face same pain

while feel less

such mechanism

for protection despite deception

But the broken

can they come back together?

Can permanent damage

be temporal

for a God Almighty?

© Joel Yap

Give Back

Will anybody comprehend

how have you been good to me

how much you have blessed me with

certainly I cannot understand

why your love for me

and how you do it

Please keep me from forgetting

never allow I to be nine with leprosy

I owe you four months of rain

now accept my little pail

for of all that you give me

a tenth I will give to you

© Joel Yap

You See a Star

You see a star

shining brightly in the night

it starts to fall

bringing darkness to your day

You take my hand

promise I might one day fly

I take your word

trusting you to lead my feet

Your wings are high

shade my head from drops of rain

due to fly

open me to hurricane

You choose your way

leave me wait from day to day

from me away

I alone in sorrow sway

Lo your return

timid I wordless in your sight

your leave is nigh

will I dare to say goodbye?

You see a star

shining brightly in the night

it starts to fall

bringing darkness to your day

© Joel Yap

Second Best

Settling for second best 

for deserving I far less

Hello

In an old place, at a usual time

like back in the good old days;

In the same garments, wearing the same smile;

what I saw:

different altogether

I saw you with these dry eyes

a confused soul

a heart numbed

and as for mind, blank

The needles on my watch paused

they flew out, piercing my eyes

like rays from noonday sun

directed to make me move

My heart stopped with time

as sweat tries to clear the taste

of bitterness

The moment I saw your face

from an infinite distance too near

my mouth whispered to my ears:

"Calm waters are better than roaring waves"

I knew your mercy

when you turned away

I used to know
to be unkindness

You bear no blame

anymore

I wish to bear no disappointment

again

Hello,

you are safe from me

© Joel Yap

Carbon Chloride Called

The old Nokia rang

last night as I was

using a new Nokia

An unexpected phone call

purpose is warn

by Carbon Chloride

a friend for me worried

I was informed of a coming event

which I knew but knew not when

Someone was afraid

as unpredictable I could be

perhaps foresaw chemical activities

that might in my body

great commotion within

What good sight

and what good initiative

to be thinking for such as me

You remember me

thank you, friend

but reactions

are my own matters

worry not

© Joel Yap

Sulk

There's not much I can do

in fact, there's none

All I did was allowing self

open to torture

Your actions

your movements and pauses

everything you did

tormented me

Friendships toward others

while none be to me

only teddy bears

but I am Little Albert

you are unaware

you are blameless

Well you have your friends

you should

perhaps I can accept

I should

The Baby lasted 8 Days,

is it now time?

Good to cut off anyway

though the crying still remain.

© Joel Yap

Final Moments

So I will be officially leaving, but what's the problem? Coming back again this weekend, Hahaha!!
It has been a great few weeks of preparation for college, planning, packing, etc.
And I am just so thankful to my family and friends, people who have shown tremendous support in my decision and choice of further studies. All the help in many practical ways, the encouragement, information, gifts and farewell parties, really touches me and I am just so so grateful!
If you are reading this, you know who you are, thank you very much.

Final Moments

Spending the first day of the week opening gifts and reading messages,

gonna spend the consecutive as a student of another for the first day.

Spending a few final hours sleeping on my bed in my home,

gonna spend tonight laying on a different bed in a different place.

Spending Malaysian Ringgit on meals with Kluang fellows,

gonna be spending Singapore Dollars eating alone.

Spending some final moments with few worries,

gonna need to be attentive and alert from now.

A bird should never remain in its nest forever,

there must always be a time to fly;

times may get tough, and surroundings harsh,

the bird that gives up might die

but those who trust shall soar the skies

for they were made for greater heights.

© Joel Yap

Finally

Four suns left to the seventh moon

finally a message from he

who left me in despair

finally, finally a word came

So eager was I

awaiting the letter

so frustrated at times

so patient altogether

Never once did I disturbed

never once have I approached

when finally the waiting paid off

at least what I thought

In the message only I learnt

that hear another I may never

Heart stopped pumping for a moment

seems I shall ever be forsaken

How many times do you wish my heart to be broken?!
O this heart, like shattered glass all over the ground...
and the pieces, swept away from your compound

© Joel Yap

First Night

Days of wait in excitement

final hours now to go

through have been moments of different kind

both up and down a sinusoid

just awaiting patiently for this very day

Like a bride on her first night

so I anxious the same

excitement filled with fear

know not outcome turn out how

Oh a bride on her first night

nerves active within her stomach

along with the butterflies

Look into the mirror

preparing for the moment

look into her soul

prepare to lose control

look into her mind

reminder remain sane

look into her heart

what really does she want

satisfaction not hers alone

How a bride thinking on her first night

fearing disappointment
knowing anxiety

scared to death of failure

But the bride on her first night

opened up readily receive

when the time comes

so her husband

and the following

come what may!

© Joel Yap

Half A Ear

Half a ear infected and incurable 

therefore half that ear was lost 

because half a ear went about 

with a prescription but no medicine

Time in its linear motion 

and I, fluctuating emotions 

mixed up by mixed up memories 

caught myself in wild confusion

Were the good pasts more than bad?

What we had done were wrong than good?

What have I done wrong?

The promise, like my biggest investment

in it my last hopes for a better us

your promise, cost me half a ear

wasted in longing, even for a whisper will do

how I see my own stupidity

that in some ways, foolish loyalty

Half a ear was gone

don't take the other half, please!

Why won't you fulfill your promise...

© Joel Yap