大便

我喜欢大便的感觉，那种感觉很爽。
大便的时候，我喜欢享受大便的过程。
大便之后，我喜欢观赏完工的成果。

每当大便过后我都会观察马桶里的样子。食物的营养被身体吸收之后剩下的渣从肛门被排泄出去的色泽，形状，湿度，长度，厚度以及排放出的味道每一次都会有差异。我喜欢观察，我说的是实话。


大便时的感觉非常好，虽然有时便秘不好受，大便时的感觉通常都是很舒服的。

大便的感觉真特别！

It's Okay

What do you when you have a friend in need, how do you be a friend indeed to that friend of yours?

What does it mean when people say "It's okay" to their friends who need help?
What should you say to people in trouble?
What words do you use toward a friend who is in pain?

How do you fill in the blanks in tough conversations?


Do we all mean anything whenever the phrase "It's okay" is used?

Give comfort, give encouragement, or are we just saying mere words out of hypocrisy?

Is "It's okay" empty talk? Or does it help when we do not say anything?


What would you do when you do not know what to do?

Poems from Esplosion 2009

Oily Eyes

The eighth Esplosion, seventh for me
on a night before the leave
there in that hall where campers meet
to worship, to listen and to seek

There in that hall a call sound
a call it was to the alter
seekers gathered while skeptics scattered
self-deemed unworthy I stood among the latter

Linger I not long with the lost
couple of whom I grateful to most
decide to lay hands despite the cost
tears contained melt no longer frost

Minutes after, best friend brought me front
where prayed people for one another
then came a chubby pastor
a flood I wept in his arms of warmth

The man looking into my eyes speaks
from his mouth come words of revelation
of off-conscious reality I live
he pour oil on my head decides

Juices of olive overwhelms
my top to eyes flows the oil
I rub my eye and then a prayer
God, open and anoint me see!

© Joel Yap


After Pastor Koshi poured half a bottle of olive oil on my head, I wrote these few words:


Irony

There is turmoil within
making me respond as to a storm outside
Bitterness and anger buried
mistaken to be mere harmless sighs
The hurts and sorrows
were not broken arrows
but as ever good as new
shooting and piercing on my skin
like the sea breeze gushing through my ears
Overwhelmed by such bombardment
astonish this left unnoticed

There is unforgiveness within
causing distortion in my min
result disruption in my life
There is a wild beast encaged in my ribs
but the monster be forgiveness or frustration?
Which will it be should there
a chance the beast let out?
Confusion magnificent like the storm outside
Such uncertainty may a matter of time
drive me crazy and the people surrounding
off goes sanity

O forgiveness how I long to give
so desperate I cannot describe
like an infant holding his pee
can not wait at all
yearning to forgive and for forgiveness
how badly my wish to let go
but so long has is been
where I know I forgave for desperation due
Alas, is the child not peeing?

O suffering and pain a I resent
the hurts which source both inside and out
torment to soul beside anguish to spirit
I bear tombstones on bitter shoulders
There is cement on my feet
my heart, enforced concrete
Pain and suffering I resent
pain and suffering because of Love?

© Joel Yap

tail

人不如兽


飞禽走兽大多数都有尾巴，人也有！

男人的尾巴长在前面。


这支小小的东西所能造成的破坏可大了。自古以来导致了那么多的罪案发生，伤害了那么多无辜的受害者。这么渺小又简单的器官怎么那么不简单？人与兽又有什么差别呢？


人类配 拥有万物之灵的称号吗？

Current Activity:

Wasting so much time!

I finished watching the first seasons of Fringe and The Mentalist in 12 days.

That's a lot a lot of time, wasted.


Sigh, it is scary to be aware of the helplessness of not knowing what to do with life.

Love Lost

Love Lost by Dr. Ng

Is it possible to relive

the moment we first met

(when eyes locked eyes in shimmering frisson)

now that the only time we are face to face

is when we make love?

The above is a poem from one of Dr. Ng's books- Postcards From Kluang.
This one caught my attention as I browsed through his poems, probably because it was short enough and hence might have been more understandable for me personally. Hahaha...

When I laid eyes on this poem the first thing that came to mind was marriage. Coincidentally, there are(have been) quite a few people whom I know to be getting into relationships while a few more, getting married.
So I had been thinking about marriage recently, the more I think the more skeptical I become.

No offense to those who want to build families, by all means go ahead and do it well.


What were(are) my thoughts? The chemistry that takes place between a boy and a girl who are interested in each other is just so difficult to be explained. In fact, I doubt that there is even a need to explain that chemistry. Having said that, I think that the kind of "feeling" so-to-say seems though so sweet can be so disgusting and dangerous. It is like two people playing with fire if both or either one is not mature enough to handle such a relationship.
If and when the relationship becomes a success and both parties wish(agree) to bring their courtship to a higher level, it may then bloom into marriage.

Early years of marriage can be so beautiful when all the man wants to see is his wife, and the woman her husband.
However after a period of time, marriage can turn so dull and burdensome that both husband and wife can seldom see eye to eye.

How terrible it might be if the words of the poet come true, where the only time lovers are face to face is when they make love. I can never imagine being in such a marriage, thus I believe that staying single is safer than married.

No marriage is perfect because no man is perfect.

For those who believe marriage is worth the sweat,

I sincerely wish you all the best.